Mindless Autamoton

Here Endeth The Lesson.

2009-04-19T18:12:00.007+08:00

You walked down those steps and I loved you. I could see your heart. You held it before you for everyone to see, and I was worried that it would get bruised or torn. And more than anything in my life, I wanted to keep it safe. To warm it with my own.
That's beautiful ... Or, taken literally, incredibly gross.
I was just thinking that too.

What do you pray for,
in the dark, before you sleep?

Wealth?
Peace?
Happiness?
Love?
Power?

or do you not pray at all?

when you go to a temple,
how long do you kneel,
in front of your god,
hold your hands in prayer,
and pray?

i see her,
mama,
when she prays,
she kneels,
her face,
at times,
troubled.
at times,
peaceful.
and she prays,
for the longest time.

[a week ago,
i was so happy,
that we were close,
that we were going to accomplish something.

and i saw the look in your eyes,
that day,
when it was over,
and you were cold.

what happened?
i thought that we would be the closest of friends forever.
maybe i was silly,

when time passes,
and everything fades away,
the pain,
and tears,
and i see you again,
with a little white hair,
or no hair at all,
i'm going to smile,
i'm going to wave,
because i found something.
something i thought i lost,
but didn't.

i know i'll miss you,
but this is a step you have to take,
i guess,
i never told you this,
but thank you.
thank you for being there,
always when i needed you,
when we drifted a part,
i cried,
because i wasn't ready,
not ready for you
to not be there
whether it was
macdonalds
or pepper lunch,
or just simple things,
like posing with grapes,
because we were so close,
and that we wouldn't be.
please know that
your true love will come along,
just be patient,
don't give up on love.
and tonight,
i'll pray that you find it.
-dojo.]

mama says that
at night,
before i close my eyes to sleep,
i should pray.

pray for the little girl,
in the black dress to leave.

[louie,
thank you.
for times that we were friends,
and times we were lesser,
i thank you,
for talking to me,
to let me feel
more or less,
forgiven.
and tonight,
i'll pray that your bad dreams will go away,
and that everything will be fine,
with your doll.]

[early pearly,
so you found it.
i love you.
and it doesn't matter what you answer is,
doesn't matter what happens,
whether the Earth is dying,
or ending,
or when you're telling me really cool cancer facts.
or when you ask me really ah?
even when we're fighting,
or when we're just goofing around,
making loads of noise
until niang tell us we're really noisy.
just know that
at night,
i pray that you're happy,
and one day,
the answer will be the answer i want.
-Babybop Stinson, Ah Pok, Eh]

when mama prays,
she doesn't pray for wealth,
or a house,
anything for herself.

she prays that her two beautiful daughters
will learn the right lessons,
and be happy,
and loved.

and at that moment,
my cheeks
were wet and salty,
cause I know,
that years later,
when she's cold,
she's not coming back,
she's not going to be there,
when I'm PMS-ing.
or when I'm lost.
And I'm so afraid,
that my last words to her,
won't be I love you.

So here endeth the lesson,
people pray,
the sick,
the healthy,
the weak,
the strong,
the poor,
the rich,
the loved,
and the loving,

they pray for the faith to get through tomorrow's obstacles.

but only the selfless pray for a tomorrow so the people they love will have faith.

and for my closest friends who have been asking me when,
this is really it,
my last words as a little grey girl.

She's Gone!

2009-04-02T21:07:00.006+08:00

Oh, got it. Lily and Marshall Awesome. Hey have you met the Awesomes? Lily, Marshall their son Totally and their daughter Freaking?

We made it through so much,
the late nights,
the crying,
the holding hands,
the talking,
screaming,
frustration,
sacrifice,
pain,
loss,
hope,
tears,

and we see it,
through out all the discrimination,
the confusion,
the drifting away,

we see it,
the so-called silver lining,
i found myself,
i finally knew,
what i was living on for.

and in that moment,
where we put our hands,
in the center,
shouting what we were,
what we were made of,

where we held hands,
bowed our heads,
and had let the tears flow,

in the hugs,
final whisper of good luck,
and the lights grew on,
i knew what i had been doing,
i had been living,
living to find myself.

for hell,
those suicidal feelings may come back,
i may get into that emo state of mind,
and then,
i look into your eyes,
and i know,

i'll know,
when i jump off,
every single one of you will be there to catch me.

we're not a special bunch,
i see us,
doing,
trying,
getting stressed out,

because we finally understood,

because we saw what was in each others eyes,

because we cried afterall,

and because we never gave up,

we're not special,
we're truly extraordinary.

Gotta Move Lamb.

2009-03-17T21:11:00.002+08:00

Button, button, who's got the button?

so little girl
held her hands in prayer,
and cried,
she prayed,
for the rain to pour,
and the sun to shine,
and for the tears to stop,
for her tears to stop.

she prayed to feel numb,
to feel nothing at all,
she prayed for someone,
to be there for her,
that same someone,
to grab her shoulder,
like all the rest,
but she would smile,
a goofy smile,
that would tell her everything will be alright,

it's not the monsters,
not the voices,
it's her soul,
it's her spirit
that needs to be saved,

and she needs a smile,
she needs the girl
she could give advice to,
the girl whom she was there for through it all,
to in turn be there for her.

she thanks all for their advice,
she won't cry,
not because she is brave,
but because she's sick of it,
sick of the promises of
tears washing it away,
sick of crying without
feeling better,
sick of crying,
and screaming,
but no one is there to help.

she won't talk
not because she's mute,
but because she knows
if she talks,
she would cry,
she would sob,
and she wouldn't be able to stop.

and i held my hands in prayer.

Sleeping Pills

2009-03-12T20:50:00.004+08:00

You know what? I was wrong. You are an idiot. My life happens to, on occasion, suck beyond the telling of it. Sometimes more than I can handle. And it's not just mine. Every single person down there is ignoring your pain because they're too busy with their own. The beautiful ones. The popular ones. The guys that pick on you. Everyone. If you could hear what they were feeling. The loneliness. The confusion. It looks quiet down there. It's not. It's deafening.

Sunny day.

So all this pain,
all the sorrow,
eats into us,
willing us to get rid of the plague,

but what happens to those who that give up?
those that have no more strength to go the last
promised stretch of obstacles,
and the one after that,
and the one after that.
what happens to those?

there was no love,
no joy,
no peace.

peace,
a peaceful city,
that yearns to survive
during the coldest of winters,

I want peace,
i want to be at peace,
but what if the only time i can actually be at peace,
is when i'm dead?

yes, throughout all the
advice i've given to my friends,
the one thing i needed from them,
and wanted from them,
wasn't there.

and i hate it that all i can do is sit and stare.
i hate it that everyone is hypocritical,
and wouldn't dare to admit any shit.

if everyone is having problems,
why can't others try to help?
is a single pat on the shoulder so hard?

they don't tell you that they have problems,
not because they don't want to worry you,
they do it,
because they think that it isn't worth your 2-cents.

i lost it,
all my sense of caring,
and humour,
all shades of life.

yes,
for all the wrong reasons,
i want to die.

End Of Days

2009-03-12T20:49:00.000+08:00

Even the dull and ignorant have a story. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and stars, you have a right to be here.

and i see a torch,
that was lit by the tears of the brave,
and continued to burn,
not through those that fought battles with him,
but those,
who watched him cry,
and put a hand on his shoulder.

i saw us,
holding hands,
through the wars,
and fires that were to come,
even if we were burning,
we would still stand,
and burn.

Grouphug.

2009-03-11T21:23:00.002+08:00

What about me? I tried to make you go away, I killed you, and it didn't help. And I hate it! I hate that's it's so hard... and that you can hurt me so much. I know everything you did, because you did it to me. Oh, God! I wished that I wished you dead. I don't. I can't.

hug and tell,
hug and tell,

scream and cry,
scream and cry,

and at the end of everything,
who was there for me?

and the end,
the most unexpected person
was there to hold up and umbrella for me,

and the person i needed most,
the person i thought would be there for me,
wasn't.

all this is just making me irritated,
sad,
and no one can understand,
for the fraction of the story,
doesn't say all,

but i know,
i have to really end this,
end it,
once and for all.

7.5 km/h

2009-03-08T20:24:00.002+08:00

1. ipod to get fixed.
2. guns
3. gun ring
4. metal lunch box from new urban male.
5. tinkerbell necklace.
6. camera
7. paint

300

2009-03-08T00:01:00.004+08:00

Think of me like Yoda but instead of being little and green I wear suits and I'm awesome. I'm your bro - I'm Broda!

Within a triad of solar periods, you'll recognize your dearth of compatability with your paramour and conclude your association.

My journey was transformative and I reassert my committment to both the aforementioned paramour & the philosophies he espouses.

It's all gonna return to masticate you in the glutials. Support my hypothesis, Ted.

I'm just jubilant my former paramour is jubilant.

Cassie

2009-03-07T23:35:00.003+08:00

You think I want this? You think I don't care? Believe me, I want to... be here, do things. I want to graduate from high school, and I want to go to the stupid winter formal... I have this friend, and it would be fun to go with him. Just to dance and hear lame music to wear a silly dress and laugh and stuff... I'd like to go. There's a lot of stuff I'd like to do. I'd love to ice skate at Rockefeller Center. And I'd love to see my cousins grow up and see how they turn out 'cause they're really mean and I think they're gonna be fat. I'd love to backpack across the country or, I don't know, fall in love, but I won't. I just never will.

don't you see?
I wanted to try,
i wanted to see,
that throughout it all,
I would be fine,
I would be happy again.

and i could rest,
finally without having
a care in the world
and now i wonder whether it's even possible.

i want to sleep,
because it's the only time
i can really rest,
won't it be great,
if i never woke up?

won't it be great,
if i just slept,
forever?

yes,
there are times where i want to die,

but why don't I?
because

yes,
why don't I?

because i'm finding a reason to live.

FALAFEL

2009-03-07T23:00:00.001+08:00

a fried ball made from spiced fava beans and/or chickpeas.

WE'RE BOTH THE RIGHT!!!

WOOHOO~

2009-03-04T18:12:00.000+08:00

YAY!
I VERY HAPPY!
I VERY HAPPY!
I VERY HAPPY!
I VERY HAPPY!
I VERY HAPPY!
I VERY HAPPY!
I VERY HAPPY!
I VERY HAPPY!
I VERY HAPPY!

Dollhouse

2009-03-03T22:03:00.004+08:00

Oh, breathtaking! It's like somebody slaughtered an Abercrombie and Fitch catalog.

I'm just tired.
my hands are aching,
and my eyes are droopy,

and at this point of time,
i don't want to rhyme.
so bite me.

i cried,
i laughed,
i cried again,
and she told me what to do.

at least i'm not psycho anymore.

If I had a dog, what would I name it?

2009-03-01T22:42:00.001+08:00

The annoying virgin has a point.

for sweet,
she had chosen to fight,
to fight because it's something that really matters,
they fight.
They're lame morons for fighting,
but they do!
They never... they never quit.

that's why I'll keep fighting too.

Anya.
I'll call her Anya.

Andrew Wells: friend; comrade; guestage;

2009-02-28T02:50:00.002+08:00

he gave her the epic death that she didn't actually get to have.

some lies are better than the truth.
some lies tell the story.

behind each cry,
is a story,
behind each hidden tear,
is a legend.

now why do i ponder on what's going to happen to me when i fall,
it's not as if i'm going to live to see it anyway

Rupert,

2009-02-25T19:31:00.004+08:00

Oh, right. Yes, yes. Um, always behind on the terms. Still trying not to refer to you lot [Americans] as 'Bloody Colonials'

i should just not bitch about anyone,
and really mean it,
no more exceptions,
no more sniggering,

Mama Said, Mama Asked.

2009-02-25T19:11:00.004+08:00

we are two people who are friends,because it would be inconvenient not to.

I'm beyond tired,
I'm beyond depressed,
I'm standing at the edge of sanity,
and i want to die.

I wish I strong,
I do,
I don't wish for myself to feel
all these things that I'm feeling
I don't want the skies to fall,

Hidden tears tell another story,
I need help.

You don't want my carrots? Then you'll go hungry.

2009-02-24T21:04:00.003+08:00

24 February 2009.
2236hours.
Night.

so tears fall down,
and the sun sets,
quietly,
but everything makes an impact.

So now that everything is quiet,
will you finally listen to me?
finally,
in the darkest time of night,

will you look me in the face,
and ask me,
i'm sorry,
what were you saying?
not because you weren't listening,
but because you just wanted to understand.

and everything is on pause,
i look at you,
i look at her,
and i have to keep quiet,

i know want to just snatch you away for just half an hour,
just 30 mins,
to tell you
that i've missed you,
all the time we had spent talking,
all the time i would be the only one knowing
what on earth you were talking about,

mama says it's just a phase,
that it would pass,
that she's drifting away
because there's something going on in her life,
and whether or not she will come back,
or if she just drifts away and disappears,
aren't you glad she was once your friend?

mama knew that i was troubled.
but thought that it was just a phase,
and she doesn't want to see me be so sad,
and asked me,
if i wanted to see a psychologist.

8 past 7

2009-02-22T19:07:00.001+08:00

and we sleep tonight,
knowing,
hoping,
that tomorrow will be a better day.

Covering Up

2009-02-22T18:47:00.002+08:00

Oh. Hey. Hi. Well, I see our preparations for the... school... pep-dance-cheer-drill-contest are really coming along. "Bring it on!"

why do people lie?
is it so they can have an easy way out?
so they can escape the punishment,
and the consequences?
to be a hypocrite?
so others will like you more?

no,
for a simple reason,
people lie,
because the truth is too ugly to hear,
because the truth is what hurts the most.

so really,
it isn't the truth that makes a person,

it's the lies.

Relapse Five!

2009-02-20T23:58:00.001+08:00

That's where we high five,
then it's awkward for a little bit,
and then we high five again!

thanks

2009-02-20T21:21:00.002+08:00

hello 'bah-loo-ku'
hahaha
thanks for the great present ytd.
i had fun.
it was really nice and funny.
i loved it.

many many thanks!

LOVE
'cherm-ber-daat'
:D

James

2009-02-20T19:59:00.004+08:00

When I say I love you, it's not because I want you, or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are. What you do. How you try. I've seen your kindness, and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you, and I understand, with perfect clarity, exactly what you are. You're a hell of a woman. You're the One.

Trust.
you have it, or you don't.

it's there,
and then it's gone.

just like that.

it takes a million years to build,
and in a second,
just that little second,
and everything is gone.

Walk Through the Fire.

2009-02-18T22:53:00.002+08:00

These endless days are finally ending in a blaze.

in small ways and in bigger ones,
we all know that this year,
is a year that everyone changed,
for better or for worse,
but we like it,
the friends,
the company,
and level of maturity.

and happiness will prevail through the darkness of times.

LEVINSON.

2009-02-18T22:25:00.002+08:00

time goes by, and everything drops away, all the cruelty, all the pain, all the humiliation, it all washes away, I miss my friends, I miss my enemies, I miss the people I talk to everyday, I miss the people who never knew I existed.

POLLY PUT HER FUCKING KETTLE ON.

good times,
are meant to be missed,
when times are bad.

will you be nice for once,
and tell me
fine,
we'll do it your way.

i'm tired,
i really am,
just by thinking.
of all the things happening around me,
the endless questions of what's going on in your mind,
if i'm such a good friend,
i should know don't I?

SACRIFICE.
BE CONSIDERATE.

Life is Sick and Twisted.

2009-02-16T22:36:00.004+08:00

your death by information won't disturb the peace on distant stars.

you see,
you only treasure life,
when you see someone else lose it,

why doesn't everyone see it this way,
everyone fears death because it's so unexpected,
so sudden,
it can be taken away from you in just a moment,
and there you leave your loved ones to mourn for you,.

this is what it means,
CARPE DIEM.

seize the day.
you never know when you're going to die,
so why not get everything done first?
don't leave anything hanging,
finish whatever you have to finish
before you won't ever get to.

and be brave,
death,
gives life it's meaning,
only those who fear death,
have nothing to live for.

Unstable Fingers

2009-02-16T22:17:00.002+08:00

Damn. I never knew you were that cool.
Well, you always were a little slow.

Curvy spots.
Curvy lines.
flawless.

and now i find myself unable to write
and doodle what i want to doodle.

and then when twice the charming
songs that sing together in perfect harmony,
is the thing you call chaos.

blabber.
tired.
wanna sleep.

so for all the things i have changed,
i have never thought i would see the day
where i lost even more confidence then
what little of it i had in the past.

i can let the lyrics flow out of my head,
to this electronic writing pad,
because it's all buttons,
z will always be at the bottom right hand corner,
but when you use a pen,
it has to show an elegance
that tells your life story.

so tell me again,
why is it that i should close down my blog?

The Body

2009-02-15T20:06:00.003+08:00

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
Just remember, it's always darkest just before the dawn.

I don't understand. I don't understand how this all happens. How we go through this. I mean I knew her, and then she's, there's just a body, and I don't understand why she can't just get back in it and not be dead anymore. It's stupid. It's mortal and stupid, and, and everyone is crying and not talking, and I was having fruit punch and I thought, well, she will never have any more fruit punch, ever. And she'll never have eggs, or yawn, or brush her hair, not ever and no one will explain to me why

Fool For Love

2009-02-15T20:01:00.002+08:00

You have a death wish. Sooner or later, you're gonna want it. And the second- the second - That happens... You know I'll be there. I'll slip in... have myself a real good day.
Here endeth the lesson.

A Dark Love,

2009-02-14T14:59:00.003+08:00

Being with you touches me,
more than I can say,
but since I'm only dead to you,
I'm saying stay away.

everyone has their little secrets,
it can be an addiction,
an affair,
a murder,
something you keep locked up somewhere
you hope no one will stumble across,
sleeping with someone you hate,

have you ever wondered
why you're keeping it a secret?

because it's wrong.

Early Pearly Says.

2009-02-14T13:55:00.003+08:00

"hello i think spike is cute
haha he is such a Q-T 3.14236765441"

write a note.

2009-02-09T22:33:00.004+08:00

He got the kid?What kind of lawyer is that?
A good one. He won full custody.
Oh yeah... getting the kid is winning isn't it?

"You have luck with children"

EWWWEWWWEWW.
i hate it that i'm the one suffering,
and when i finally speak up,
it's my fault.

i have the worst memory.

Back To The Beginning

2009-02-07T15:22:00.003+08:00

we fight all the demons in our lives,
the inner ones,
the outer ones,
what if we can't fight them anymore?
what if we defeated all of them?

we can beat the down our demons until the cows come home,
and then we can beat up the cows.
but what does that mean,
is evil really going to give up?

no.
evil is always going to come back,
stronger,
always.

they say the only thing that can possibly fight and win evil,
is good,
is hope,
faith,
all that bullshit.

it's ourselves,
we have to taste evil before we can even fight it,
or possibly win it.

but that's not why we fight,
we do it,
because there are things worth fighting for.

Bring on the Night.

2009-02-06T21:32:00.004+08:00

I'm beyond tired. I'm beyond scared. I'm not ready? They're not ready. They think we're gonna wait for the end to come, like we always do. I'm done waiting. From now on, we won't just face our worst fears, we will seek them out. We will find them, and cut out their hearts, one by one.

what is going on in that mind of yours?
you keep me guessing your every move,
and i don't know what to say,
you've changed.
i've changed.

now what?
can we still be as good friends as before,
pouring our secrets out to one another?

i remember when i would be the first one to help you,
whenever you needed something.

and now,
i don't feel the urge,
or rather,
i don't want to.

and there are times where i question my place
and hers,
when in the past,
i knew i came first,
always.

so now that everyone has changed,
tell me,
where do i stand?

Glinda.

2009-02-05T22:14:00.002+08:00

bunnies aren't just cute like everyone supposes.
they got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses.
and what's with all the carrots?
what do they need such good eyesight for anyway?

in the link that tied us there,
in the simple talk,
and rejection,
i lost all hope.

moving on.

i lost my funny. I LOST MY FUNNY!

2009-02-05T21:59:00.002+08:00

I want the fire back.

in this place
and this hour.

now what do i do?

i want to say things,
and i have to think,
hey wait,
no.
the old me would never say something like that.

now what do i do?

it was the one thing i would give anything to keep.
because if i had it,
it was as if i had everything else.

now what?

and i'm whining.
and i'm tired.
and i'm confused.
and i'm colourless.

I LOVE BARNEY STINSON.

2009-02-05T18:57:00.002+08:00

Friends are supposed to support each other in everything they do.
Yeah, if you're a smurf.

DADADA
dadada
DADADA
dadada
dadedadedade

Why does a man do what he musn't? For her. To be the kind of man who would nev-To be a kind of man. And she will look upon him with forgiveness... and everybody will forgive and love. And he will be loved. So everything's okay, right? C-can we rest now?Can we rest?

fuck you, fuck you very very much.

2009-02-04T18:25:00.003+08:00

screw all people who resort to violence.
screw all people who are selfish.

last but not least,
screw all people
who whine and scream for no good reason.

AND
screw those with bad advice to give.

a problem is not fun you idiot.

no. 0196

2009-02-02T21:54:00.001+08:00

what's wrong with being clingy?
we just want to know if you love us.

red.
orange.
yellow.
green.
blue.
purple.

colours of the rainbow.
but come on,
we all just want the pot of gold at the end of it.

2 February

2009-02-02T21:45:00.002+08:00

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? Why do you treat people like this? So now my life is unscrewed, thanks for screwing it up all over again.

CHILDISH.
PLAIN CHILDISH.

oh and BTW,
there should be a reason if people don't like you,
whether it's a misunderstanding,
or you yourself is in the wrong,
why not just clear it up with them?

I CANNOT STRESS ON HOW MUCH YOU SHOULD NOT DON'T CARE.

I,We,They,She,He,It. You.

2009-02-01T18:29:00.004+08:00

don't lie and say that it's ok,
it's alright if there's nothing more to say.

and i see your name on the contact list,
and i click on your name,
and i hesitate,
out of all this crap,
what if you don't feel the same way?

what if the answer isn't what i want?
what if,
it turns out that we are really just friends,
nothing more nothing less?
what am i going to do,
wondering all the time whether we could have worked out?

Unforseen

2009-02-01T01:14:00.002+08:00

A muscle cramp? In your pants?

i really need a new way of writing.
this is getting boring.

Blondie Bear?

2009-01-31T22:19:00.002+08:00

WHAT THE BLEEDING HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU BLOODY WOMEN?!

i wish i was braver,
to pick up the phone,
to ask you the question
that has been bugging me
for the last half a year.

what's should i do now?

The 4-Core Scoobies.

2009-01-31T15:22:00.002+08:00

Not the bang. Not the word. The true beginning. The next few months are going to be quite a ride, and I think we're all going to learn something about ourselves in the process. You'll learn you're a pathetic schmuck, if it hasn't sunk in already. Look at you, trying to do what's right. Just like her. You still don't get it. It's not about right. Not about wrong.

so tons of them,
in front of me,
singing.

yet none wants to step up,
and talk to me.

for they are afraid,
as long as i know something about them,

as long as i listen,

they will need something from me,

because she's right.
there's no doubt about that.

It's about power.

Him

2009-01-30T23:57:00.002+08:00

I'd kill for him!!
[scoffs] You'd kill for a chocolate bar.

it's good that i'm happy.
now that i don't have anything else to say,

i guess it's easier to say what i feel
when i feel sad,
rather than happy.

I Got My 200 When I Went Past Go.

2009-01-29T19:15:00.001+08:00

The littlest things that take me there
I know it sounds lame but its so true
I know its not right, but it seems unfair
That the things are reminding me of you
Sometimes I wish we could just pretend
Even if for only one weekend

The first time that you introduced me to your friends,
and you could tell that i was nervous,
so you held my hand.

so i lost the song in my heart,
and the colour in my soul,

but i'm happy,
isn't that what matters?

You, Me, and Him.

2009-01-28T22:54:00.002+08:00

yes, you see, when you love someone, that's when it hurts the most.

i'm tired.
and sleepy.
i should probably go to sleep.

i really want to prove to
everyone that i can do it,
i'll do better than everyone else.

she said that i have the potential.

i may not be sure of that,
but i know that i can achieve so much more,
but i just need to work hard.

just a little motivation will do.

now let's see,
why does everyone think so little of me?
is it because i am so goofy all the time?

maybe they don't see the potential that i have.

i need to see it for myself first,
don't you see.

and i'm tired,
so can't you spell it out for me?
show me a little glimpse of the power i have,
that they don't?

if i could score higher,
why can't i do better?

time to work hard,
dear.
but first, sweet dreams.

OXYEAR

2009-01-26T11:12:00.003+08:00

i can't take it any longer
i thought that we were stronger,
all we do is linger,
slipping through my fingers,

so a festive mood,
is it all it takes,
friends,
and family,

but don't you realise,
why we're so dissapointed when the next day,
we have to go back to our schools and works,
and see,

this is just an escape,
for one or 2 days,
and then we get back to our hell we call education.

Choco Baby

2009-01-24T21:42:00.003+08:00

Dreams,
dreams,
when we had just started things.

it was my only outlet.

so when you weren't around,
i had something to do.

and then it became an obsession.

so the tears flow,
so the wind blows.

so the time goes by,
and so the lady with the pink parasol
walks away,
with the grace and poise of a beautiful ballerina,

and the gentleman hums,
the lovely song of which
they had grown to love,
and said goodbye.

the child sings
for all to hear:

for now,
for now,
i can't seem to talk,

i had locked myself in.
unable to breathe,

can't even shout,
can't even cry,

the hurt that they did,
no one knows,

the things they say,
the words they use,

have made me so confused,
i try to cry,
i try to plead,

they don't see anyone else,
only themsleves.

so sorry for them,

so sorry,
yet everyone else smiles.

mayeb they're the ones crying inside,
the ones that won't be noticed.
the ones that are gonna die screaming,
but won't be heard.

Empty

2009-01-23T21:02:00.002+08:00

abandoned.
bare.
barren.
blank.
clear.
dead.

all the things that go on in my head.

acrimony
animosity.
fury.
indignation.
peevishness.
choler.
wingding.

all the things that will go up in flames.

bliss.
cheer.
geniality.
jubilation.
vivacity.
merriment.

all the things no one can really hold in their hands.

SHUT YOUR MOUTH

2009-01-21T22:26:00.005+08:00

do i feel mean?
do i think i'm very mean?
yes.
of course.

she didn't do anything to me,
yet she hurt me.
just by being herself,
you know she changed.
but i don't.
i don't see why you hated her in the past,
but find her nice now.
and i can't stand it that i hate her.

this stupid thing
where the on/off switch has a mind of it's own.
yes.
i know it's stupid.

yes.
i know she's my friend,
so?
does she ever think that it may be her fault?
just admit that somehow,
no one is perfect?

and does she know how hard she is making my life?
just because she doesn't want to have one,
doesn't mean i can't.

i have MY own friends,
MY own life,
and i don't want her touching everything i'm doing.

i need something,
that is my own.
something to call my own?
without her giving her stupid comments.

is that so much to ask?

have you seen the way she treats me?

i don't like it when she has such control over me.

and i hate it that i'm the "bad guy" here
cause she "changed".

and in my dream i slapped that little girl so hard she fell to the floor, and i slapped her again, and again and again and again and told her that she just be a mute, it would be better for everyone on earth, and then the people around looked at me like i was a lunatic, because all she did was laugh, irritatingly, and noisily, and then the girl cried, and there she is, the center of attention.

Dead And Death

2009-01-21T19:28:00.005+08:00

you're so sad maybe you should buy a happy meal,
you're so skinny you should really supersize the deal.

it's not really over is it?
when you die.
do we really become spirits,
or do we reincarnate?
do we get to choose what we will become?
or go straight to heaven?
or hell?

and what will it feel like,
to get cremated and stuff.

what will our last thoughts be?
what will your last words be?
who will you say "i love you" last to?

what's going to happen to them?
will we be able to watch?

Apology

2009-01-18T21:53:00.000+08:00

it's easier to breathe,
when you're happy.

i'm a load of crap.

and i will finally stop blaming
my period
and everyone else
for my unhappiness.

and if i have upset
or insulted you in any way,
i'm am truly sorry.

PMS

2009-01-18T19:42:00.001+08:00

i hate it when
mrs. period visits.
we get all emotional,
and no one seems to understand.

Got Any Weed?

2009-01-17T10:46:00.002+08:00

now,
everyone knows what it's like
to be left out in the cold,
to have no friends,
you can count on,
or no friends,
who will talk to you.

they sink into a state,
of depression,
and then,
they get their friends back,

be mean to them,
ad the process starts over.

and no one realises
realises that they should stop being mean.

and no one realises that i'm trying.
oh god.

and now everytime i talk to you,
i feel as if,
everyone is judging me,
cause you are my friend,
and i hoping
praying so badly,
that you won't influence me,

No Space For Lyrics

2009-01-16T21:34:00.004+08:00

and i finally realised,
i want to have fun,
and have a life,
you don't think i want to sing because it's stupid?
i don't sing,
because i can't,
i can't play a tune in my heart,
and sing to it,
don't you think i would like to be you guys,
for about even a minute,
to not care about what others might think,
every single second of your life?
and i have to be the responsible one,
the one who doesn't dare to do anything,
the one who is the boundary,
the one that doesn't have fun,
i'm the boundary
because
I HAVE TO BE THE BOUNDARY,
the limit.

and now i'm crying cause i want to be happy.
that's all i want.

and i can't cry
cause it's wetting the pore strip.

and i thought that i was crying,
but i didn't feel the tears,
until i opened my eyes.

and i have to cry into the towel for fear of my grandma hearing.

i want to relax,
i want to have fun,
i want to be happy,
i want to grow up and see what you guys will turn like,
and hope i do better cause
i don't want to regret being responsible.

i know that's mean, but

you say i'm always emo,
depressed,
extra,
cut off.

but in the end,
i'm always cut off,
at the end,
somebody has to draw the line,
and that person always has to be me,
because who else will?

you'll probably say,
just forget everything,
i have a right to be happy,
do i?

at this point
i have no idea where my place is on earth,

god,
don't you think want to be on the phone,
with my friends,
just talking about boys,
that i don't want to fall in love,
but i do,

but if i start,
i don't want to be the monster i was,
and i don't want to do anything,
that could possibly link me to that,

and i'm sorry,
i just don't know
what my next step is.

Yael Naim

2009-01-16T20:58:00.002+08:00

I'm a new soul,
in this very strange world,
Hoping I could learn a bit
'bout how to give and take

blah.

i don't know what to do.

and i understand
what it means,
to just want to cry,
just to let everything out.

because i feel exactly the same way.

Resolution

2009-01-15T18:36:00.003+08:00

They're Transvestites!!!
AHH! AHH!

so i'm your little dog,
that follows you around?

i don't get why
i keep stirring this up,

i should have
the decency to just let myself relax,

but no,
you had keep telling me.

Joss

2009-01-14T21:31:00.003+08:00

This isn't some fairy tale, when i kiss you, you don't wake up from some deep sleep and live happily ever after.
No. When you kiss me, i want to die.

and so now i wonder,
what am i going to do?

i thought i settled it,
but now,
am i really
going to sit around
and wait
for some opportunity,

or am i going to find it?

All The Kisses In The World

2009-01-14T17:18:00.002+08:00

I think sometimes that all my hair will fall out and I'll be bald.

now,
tell me,
what is it
you expect from me.
what is it
that you want.
who,
or what
am i?

now i wonder,
if each "i'm sorry"
is a bunch of lies,
and each "accident"
is a motive.

tell me,
right now.
because i need
to leave,
for my freedom,
for my friends.

so you got your turn,
when is it going to be mine?

Epiphany

2009-01-13T22:26:00.003+08:00

And one by one the years of our lives
Stumble as the moments pass
So please hold on,
so please hold on

and now,
i feel better,

but i wonder,
what am i now?
i used to be the one talking,
no, i used to be the one listening,
the one who always had something good to say.

quoted that you'll talk,
but now,
i may look ok,
i might even feel ok,
but i just really need you
to be there for me
like i was for you.

Pointed At Nine

2009-01-13T22:13:00.002+08:00

car crash in slow motion

we talk,
and breathe,
we are the same,
really.

but here's a question,
why do people hate it
when others do the things they do?

Popularity

2009-01-12T20:09:00.001+08:00

to be surrounded by people and yet be completely alone

take a good look in the mirror,
and ask yourself,
are you happy?

Well, I Guess Forever Just Got A Hell of a Lot Shorter.

2009-01-12T17:15:00.003+08:00

you had one thing to live for, finally, and you gave it back?

because of the fine line
between right and wrong,
love and hate,
and
life and death.

but you don't understand,
don't you realise you hate everyone,
who cares about the things,
you don't really think about?

because
the people who don't care
will never understand
the people who do.

Leeches

2009-01-11T20:03:00.003+08:00

Everything in my head is singing.

poisoned was the wine she drank,
laced with the most lethal drugs in the world,

poisoned was the wine she drank,
and so her stomach churned,

poisoned was the wine she drank,
as she fell to the floor,

now tell me,
one last time,
do you believe in miracles?

My God, You Know How Much I Needed This.

2009-01-10T21:18:00.003+08:00

god, so i've been telling myself i have to change,
i can't let these people walk over me,
cause they think they are so magnificently awesome.
no.
they are not awesome,
they have bad fashion choices,
they have weird faces.
they think everyone is lame
and retarded,
unless they are boys.
and they think everyone is fat.
and they think whatever they say is a fact,
and i'm really sorry for those people,
cause they bring shame to the word "awesome"

they hate the ugly,
they make fun of the fat,
they suck-up to the pretty,

and guess what,
it's my mind,
my opinion.
thinking you are so cool just because you are famous,
well,
doesn't mean your well-liked.

and i regret that the same people put me in my place,
they changed me,
i stopped talking,
and i hated myself.
i felt sorry for myself.
they talked to me in ways,
that made me think why was i alive.

and why can't you people be normal?
why can't you guys tell when others need you?
why can't you spare a thought for others?
can;t you just stop putting people down?
why is it that you only get satisfactory
by laughing at other people shortcomings?
and at their mistakes?
is there anything that is more important
than you in your lowly self-centered world?

I'm Not There Anymore

2009-01-10T12:01:00.004+08:00

And we'll be beaten down without mercy or meaning
I turn my face to a careless skyline
I'm searching hard for a sign from heaven
But they've forgotten me here

and i was totally quiet.

AND i was totally quiet.

and I was totally quiet.

and now i wonder,
if i make noise,
will they even notice?

you can say things,
you can just think it,
but i've said before,
i know what you think,
what you mean,

and it's not nice,

and i don't want to be there 20 years in the future,
regretting my choices.

but i know,
i still say hurtful things,

but please tell me,
if i don't,
there will still be something left of me.
cause i forgotten.

Meth

2009-01-08T21:16:00.004+08:00

We're all looking for something
To take away the pain

i am trying to save a broken friendship,
for i made a mistake that shattered it all.

i am trying to shed my colours,
for i i've disgusted many with what i painted.

i have shed them all,
for i am going to create a new me,
who is happy,
who people like,
who is not easily irritated,
who is the old me,
before i changed.

i have succeeded ,
for i have forgotten what i was,
and only remember what i should not have been.

for i have forgotten
what people befriended me for,

for i have forgotten
what i should have been like,

for i have forgotten
what made me,
me.

The Olive Theory

2009-01-07T22:14:00.003+08:00

Aww, that's so sweet.
So you chickened out like a little bitch?

i'm sorry,
for making you feel insecure.
i guess,
right now,
i'm just trying to find out
who my true friends are,
and i believe i know who they are.

thanks for talking to me.

and for the same reasons,
that's why we're such great friends,
the sick twisted way of us being on opposite ends,
creates the balance
that not even the closes of lovers can have.

Googly Eyes

2009-01-06T19:23:00.004+08:00

Jealousy,
turning saints into the sea,
swimming through sick lullabies,
choking on your alibis,
but it's just the price i pay,
destiny is calling me,
open up my eager eyes.

sew up your lips,
won't you?
sew up your lips,
keep them shut.

i'm trying very very hard to like you.
when did it become my turn with this non-neutral towards you person?
and since when did my nails become so dirty?

and i really want to talk to my friends.
but i can't.
i just don't feel like i have the privacy.

the little girl walked towards the crowd and screamed happily,
and i imagined that i went forward and gave her a slap.
i smiled a little.

Bugger This

2009-01-05T17:09:00.003+08:00

Why is the path unclear,
When we know home is near.
Understand we'll go hand in hand,
But we'll walk alone in fear.
Tell me where do we go from here.
When does "the end" appear,
When do the trumpets cheer.
The curtain's close, on a kiss god knows,
We can tell the end is near...

so everytime this feels like it's going to end,
something else just happens.
not like in a movie
where the ending is so predictable.

so what are we waiting for?
a prince on a white horse?
a pair of glass slippers?
a kiss of true love?

nope,
what we want is much more simple,
and much harder to get.

one
good
day.

Turn Down The Lights

2009-01-04T21:04:00.003+08:00

Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when, you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
So if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?

maybe i made a mistake by walking away,
if i stayed,
who knows,
i may have had a better time.

that's the thing,
i do know,
i was hesitating,
so why didn't i say no?

i knew i shouldn't have followed,
i see your faces,
and i could tell you were happy.
that everyone was.
and i wasn't.

maybe i made a mistake,
maybe the mistake goes so far back,
to the past 2 years.
what good has this done for me,
actually,
tell me,
what good has this done for anyone?

Sweets Have No Meaning

2009-01-04T17:34:00.004+08:00

I'm just a painter,
I do my crappy art,
but I see what's in your eyes,
and i know what's in your heart.

how do believe in something,
if you don't believe in yourself?

so throw your beach ball,
sing your favourite song,
eat your chicken wings,
walk on the sand,
play a fool,

and grow up.

dreams are meant to be fufilled,
if you don't believe in your dreams,
isn't that like,
playing with air?
a waste of energy?

i'm clever.
i have a normal body.
and this is what i'll do.
i'm going to study.
and the next time you hear of me,
you're not going to laugh at me,
you're not going to call me names,
you're going to say
"hey i should have been like her. now i'm a fatty with 10 kids."

Look At Me

2009-01-03T15:08:00.002+08:00

i wish i could trust you
like how i did in the past.

do you even care,
or are you just
taking advantage
that someone will be there
to do things for you.
and that someone
is always me.

Stupid Questions.

2009-01-03T00:03:00.002+08:00

we walk past each other,
but we don't acknowledge each other's
presence.
i waved,
only one waved back.
i find it kinda funny.
i apologised,
yet,
it's not really over,
is it?
will we be like this,
till the end of next year,
i screwed up,
i know that,
do you acknowledge the fact
that,
i'm sorry,

we walk past each other,
not willing to look into
the other party's eyes,
cause we do not know what to react.
i know you're looking,

so,
new year,
new beginnings,
does that mean,
you can't find something that's lost?

Sweet Chocolates On My Tab

2009-01-02T19:57:00.002+08:00

it's not anyone's fault,
it's only a small matter.
why can't you just stop swearing,
and just let it go?

Where Do We Go From Here?

2009-01-02T17:47:00.001+08:00

little white roses
in the garden sir,
little white roses
dancing in the wind.

so,
i wandered around,
no friends,
no goal,
just aimlessly wandering around.

do i regret?
yes.
am i happy now?
no.

how do you get through a time,
where you don't know what to do,
who to trust,
where to rest,
what to think?

is my life going to stay this way forever?
will i be the little girl that cries all the time?
will you be looking at this,
still asking who i'm referring to,
but not ask me if i'm alright?

will i be?

White Rose

2009-01-01T23:03:00.003+08:00

they seem to want spikes.

and epiphany.
-a moment of revelation and insight.

Artic Thistles

2008-12-31T19:15:00.003+08:00

I touch the fire and it freezes me.
I look into it and its black.
This isn't real, but I just wanna feel.

slap me now.
cause in about 4 hours and 45 mins,
i'll be a new person.
i'll get out of my black hole,
and smile.

IKEA

2008-12-31T01:23:00.000+08:00

ee-kay-yeh
ai-kee-yeh
ee-kia

no one really knows.

tell me.

2008-12-30T23:58:00.001+08:00

so now,
i'm a girl trying to change.
because i owe it to myself,
and everyone else,
that i can be something different.
something,
so much more.

and i'm sorry if you laugh at me,
or make fun of me.
cause that's your loss of letting go
of the disgusting me.

and here i am,
shedding off
what i was,
and changing into something
that grey person.
that grey person
with the yellow umbrella.
or the grey person
with the puple top.
i'll be the grey person.
no characteristics.
nothing special.
just me.

so tell me,
do you want to help or not?

say quote

2008-12-30T01:27:00.002+08:00

i guess i did swear alot
on sat.
more then i usually do actually.
i thought since hey,
you guys are ok with it,
everyone should be too.

they don't realise i'm only joking.
2 years people.
2 years of going through
the most dramatic changes of my life.

i'm really sorry if i changed for the worst.
i've been manipulating.
into different bodies,
characteristics, more like.

i know i should do things.
but there's that-
no.
there's nothing.
no more excuses.
i will not swear from this day forward.
i will not bitch about people.
i will not hate anyone
who doesn't deserve it.
i will not start blogwars again.
i will be a better person.
a better,
happier person.

now,
screw off.

I Get It.

2008-12-29T13:38:00.003+08:00

why am i letting so many people influence me?
i had so many good friends,
that i just threw away in a flick of my hand.
i don't want to hear you talk about them,
because i have the choice of who will remain as my friend.
and who doesn't.

at the beginning of the year
i had friends,
friends
from different classes.
friends that if i turned a corner,
i knew they would be there
so i could talk to them,

and i threw everything away.
i stopped hanging out with them,
and i stopped talking to them.
and my friends got lesser and lesser.
who could i really count on?

who can i really count on now?
i want to have the friends that i had 12 months ago.
the weekly dose of pepper lunches.

enough.
i am my own person.
I WILL NOT LET ANYONE RUN MY LIFE.
I WILL BE HAPPY.
I WILL NOT LET WHAT YOU SAY AFFECT MY DECISIONS.
i will be happy.
i will be happy.
finally.
i will have a mind of my own.

period.

The Awesomes

2008-12-28T23:57:00.003+08:00

simple.
that's how it's supposed to be.
on some level,
it just has to be simple.
you can't struggle with the errands.
you have to be willing to do the things.
willing to sacrifice.
easily.
that's how it is with the person you love.
simple.

Belly Full Of Turkey.

2008-12-27T02:53:00.004+08:00

will i stay this way forever?
sleepwalk through my life's endeavor.

i've woken up.
sobered up.
freshened up.

yes at 3 in the morning,
i'd probably be able to do PE.
and i'll probably wake up at 11.

i've got to stop napping.
but the comfort of my soft pillows
and terribly tempting.

also,
the temptation of the
chocolate cake in my fridge
is driving me nuts.

damn it that christmas has
to be right when school is about to start.
i know i have to start jumping and stuff.
but i'm just full of excuses.

and yah,
i've got to focus.
stop being emotional
with the petty things going on around me.
this time,
i have to study.

god,
i bet no one's gonna believe me.

hey.
here is me saying
that one day.
i'm going to be rich.
and
married to a very handsome
and preferably rich guy.
that lives in england.
or america.
and i'm going to be a success.
and i'll be really slim.
and rich.

no. 0149

2008-12-26T00:27:00.001+08:00

if someone is a homosexual,
who are we to blame them?
it's in them.
it's their hormones.
how are we able to change how
they were born?
and why is everyone so
discriminating?

Afraid of The Seven Dawrfs.

2008-12-26T00:13:00.001+08:00

Well, only doc. I mean the guy went to medical school. What's he doing living with 6 coal miners?

Let's Go To The Mall

2008-12-26T00:12:00.001+08:00

falafel.

FALAFEL.

*sniggers*

Creation

2008-12-25T22:28:00.002+08:00

on a cold christmas day,
what do you wish most for?
love?
hope?
faith?
friendship?
family?

why don't you ask for happiness?
all things come in a cycle,
maybe you didn't get something,
because you have to wait,
happiness needs time,
and effort,
and patience.

Eggnog

2008-12-25T00:49:00.000+08:00

christmas is for
staying home,
and pigging out.

and then regretting.

Karma

2008-12-24T22:22:00.002+08:00

a clever person makes a mistake
and learns from it,
a wise person observes another's mistake
and learns from that.

for everything is connected,
and that is why i change,
because what i did is wrong,
and selfish,
and it suddenly dawned on me
if i carry on like this,
i going to fail in life,
because she said,
the happiness you feel,
will reflect on your face.

The Second Sunday of Every May.

2008-12-22T23:32:00.003+08:00

for their love is eternal,
unconditional,
they protect us with every fibre in their being,
they always put our happiness before theirs,
and their love for us starts,
right from the beginning.

Gone

2008-12-21T21:38:00.003+08:00

You've cut your hair.

The little things you notice,
can be the little things that make a person know you care.
acknowledge the changes,
and tell them how you feel,
make it sound nice,
tone is all it takes.

Wrecked

2008-12-20T22:45:00.005+08:00

But I mean, if you could be, you know, plain old hag or super woman, who would you be?

the hardest thing rebound from is addiction,
the toughest thing to refrain from is power,
the worst thing to give up on is yourself.

Smashed

2008-12-19T21:36:00.002+08:00

Responsible people are so concerned with being good all the time that when they finally get a taste of being bad, they can't get enough.

they talk about the things in life that matter,
for a blunt girl who doesn't understand anything at all,
at least she can understand life,
which is more than i can say for most of us.

Apollo

2008-12-18T00:37:00.001+08:00

the sun that shines,
brightly,
brings joy.

while the rain is despised,
cold,
cruel.

but we often forget,
that the rain,
brings the hope,
that all our troubles,
will one day be washed away.

Burned

2008-12-16T22:36:00.002+08:00

so i have been singing my whole life,
maybe i stopped because,
because there are only so many songs
in the world,
so i stop singing
and wait for,
that's it,
i don't know
what i'm waiting for.

screw inconsiderate people.

i touch the fire and it freezes me,
i look into and it's black,
why can't i feel?
my skin should crack and peel.
i want the fire back.

Shoot, Shag, Marry

2008-12-15T23:35:00.001+08:00

no matter how much
you despise or
hate or
avoid being
a hypocrite,
you will always be one.

The Fortress of Barnitude.

2008-12-15T23:10:00.001+08:00

it's like a vacuum,
it's like a vacuum
sucking out my brain
it's sucking out the lyrics
leaving me to live
without the
catchy song in my heart,
the way i live.

Nothing Good Happens After 2 a.m.

2008-12-15T02:11:00.000+08:00

i don't bitch about people
because i did that once,
and look where it landed me,
thanks alot
for looking at me
as if i were retarded.

I Pray You.

2008-12-15T00:13:00.003+08:00

i don't understand.
i don't get why
i'm saying things for
no good reason.
why i do things
i never would before.
why i'm changing
without any control.
maybe i just don't
want to be
the sad little bitch
that i was before,
but i can't control anything.
i say things,
and wonder,
why did i say that?
i'd never say that in the past,
i think things,
which i won't even hesistate
to avoid thinking
a few months back,
my friends thought
that you were a bad influence on me,
and now,
more and more people are,
i dunno what to trust now,
i notice little things
that no one really
bothers about.
i just don't want to live like this,
it's stupid.
it's petty and stupid,
and human nature-ishly irritaing,
screw human nature,
I JUST DON'T FREAKIN UNDERSTAND
AND NO ONE WILL EXPLAIN TO ME WHY.