Artic Thistles

I touch the fire and it freezes me.
I look into it and its black.
This isn't real, but I just wanna feel.

slap me now.
cause in about 4 hours and 45 mins,
i'll be a new person.
i'll get out of my black hole,
and smile.

IKEA

ee-kay-yeh
ai-kee-yeh
ee-kia


no one really knows.

tell me.

so now,
i'm a girl trying to change.
because i owe it to myself,
and everyone else,
that i can be something different.
something,
so much more.

and i'm sorry if you laugh at me,
or make fun of me.
cause that's your loss of letting go
of the disgusting me.

and here i am,
shedding off
what i was,
and changing into something
that grey person.
that grey person
with the yellow umbrella.
or the grey person
with the puple top.
i'll be the grey person.
no characteristics.
nothing special.
just me.

so tell me,
do you want to help or not?

say quote

i guess i did swear alot
on sat.
more then i usually do actually.
i thought since hey,
you guys are ok with it,
everyone should be too.

they don't realise i'm only joking.
2 years people.
2 years of going through
the most dramatic changes of my life.

i'm really sorry if i changed for the worst.
i've been manipulating.
into different bodies,
characteristics, more like.

i know i should do things.
but there's that-
no.
there's nothing.
no more excuses.
i will not swear from this day forward.
i will not bitch about people.
i will not hate anyone
who doesn't deserve it.
i will not start blogwars again.
i will be a better person.
a better,
happier person.

now,
screw off.

I Get It.

why am i letting so many people influence me?
i had so many good friends,
that i just threw away in a flick of my hand.
i don't want to hear you talk about them,
because i have the choice of who will remain as my friend.
and who doesn't.

at the beginning of the year
i had friends,
friends
from different classes.
friends that if i turned a corner,
i knew they would be there
so i could talk to them,

and i threw everything away.
i stopped hanging out with them,
and i stopped talking to them.
and my friends got lesser and lesser.
who could i really count on?

who can i really count on now?
i want to have the friends that i had 12 months ago.
the weekly dose of pepper lunches.

enough.
i am my own person.
I WILL NOT LET ANYONE RUN MY LIFE.
I WILL BE HAPPY.
I WILL NOT LET WHAT YOU SAY AFFECT MY DECISIONS.
i will be happy.
i will be happy.
finally.
i will have a mind of my own.








period.

The Awesomes

simple.
that's how it's supposed to be.
on some level,
it just has to be simple.
you can't struggle with the errands.
you have to be willing to do the things.
willing to sacrifice.
easily.
that's how it is with the person you love.
simple.

Belly Full Of Turkey.

will i stay this way forever?
sleepwalk through my life's endeavor.

i've woken up.
sobered up.
freshened up.

yes at 3 in the morning,
i'd probably be able to do PE.
and i'll probably wake up at 11.

i've got to stop napping.
but the comfort of my soft pillows
and terribly tempting.

also,
the temptation of the
chocolate cake in my fridge
is driving me nuts.

damn it that christmas has
to be right when school is about to start.
i know i have to start jumping and stuff.
but i'm just full of excuses.

and yah,
i've got to focus.
stop being emotional
with the petty things going on around me.
this time,
i have to study.

god,
i bet no one's gonna believe me.

hey.
here is me saying
that one day.
i'm going to be rich.
and
married to a very handsome
and preferably rich guy.
that lives in england.
or america.
and i'm going to be a success.
and i'll be really slim.
and rich.

no. 0149

if someone is a homosexual,
who are we to blame them?
it's in them.
it's their hormones.
how are we able to change how
they were born?
and why is everyone so
discriminating?

Afraid of The Seven Dawrfs.

Well, only doc. I mean the guy went to medical school. What's he doing living with 6 coal miners?

Let's Go To The Mall

falafel.

FALAFEL.

*sniggers*

Creation

on a cold christmas day,
what do you wish most for?
love?
hope?
faith?
friendship?
family?

why don't you ask for happiness?
all things come in a cycle,
maybe you didn't get something,
because you have to wait,
happiness needs time,
and effort,
and patience.

Eggnog

christmas is for
staying home,
and pigging out.

and then regretting.

Karma

a clever person makes a mistake
and learns from it,
a wise person observes another's mistake
and learns from that.

for everything is connected,
and that is why i change,
because what i did is wrong,
and selfish,
and it suddenly dawned on me
if i carry on like this,
i going to fail in life,
because she said,
the happiness you feel,
will reflect on your face.

The Second Sunday of Every May.

for their love is eternal,
unconditional,
they protect us with every fibre in their being,
they always put our happiness before theirs,
and their love for us starts,
right from the beginning.

Gone

You've cut your hair.


The little things you notice,
can be the little things that make a person know you care.
acknowledge the changes,
and tell them how you feel,
make it sound nice,
tone is all it takes.

Wrecked

But I mean, if you could be, you know, plain old hag or super woman, who would you be?



the hardest thing rebound from is addiction,
the toughest thing to refrain from is power,
the worst thing to give up on is yourself.

Smashed

Responsible people are so concerned with being good all the time that when they finally get a taste of being bad, they can't get enough.

they talk about the things in life that matter,
for a blunt girl who doesn't understand anything at all,
at least she can understand life,
which is more than i can say for most of us.

Apollo

the sun that shines,
brightly,
brings joy.

while the rain is despised,
cold,
cruel.

but we often forget,
that the rain,
brings the hope,
that all our troubles,
will one day be washed away.

Burned

so i have been singing my whole life,
maybe i stopped because,
because there are only so many songs
in the world,
so i stop singing
and wait for,
that's it,
i don't know
what i'm waiting for.

screw inconsiderate people.




i touch the fire and it freezes me,
i look into and it's black,
why can't i feel?
my skin should crack and peel.
i want the fire back.

Shoot, Shag, Marry

no matter how much
you despise or
hate or
avoid being
a hypocrite,
you will always be one.

The Fortress of Barnitude.

it's like a vacuum,
it's like a vacuum
sucking out my brain
it's sucking out the lyrics
leaving me to live
without the
catchy song in my heart,
the way i live.

Nothing Good Happens After 2 a.m.

i don't bitch about people
because i did that once,
and look where it landed me,
thanks alot
for looking at me
as if i were retarded.

I Pray You.

i don't understand.
i don't get why
i'm saying things for
no good reason.
why i do things
i never would before.
why i'm changing
without any control.
maybe i just don't
want to be
the sad little bitch
that i was before,
but i can't control anything.
i say things,
and wonder,
why did i say that?
i'd never say that in the past,
i think things,
which i won't even hesistate
to avoid thinking
a few months back,
my friends thought
that you were a bad influence on me,
and now,
more and more people are,
i dunno what to trust now,
i notice little things
that no one really
bothers about.
i just don't want to live like this,
it's stupid.
it's petty and stupid,
and human nature-ishly irritaing,
screw human nature,
I JUST DON'T FREAKIN UNDERSTAND
AND NO ONE WILL EXPLAIN TO ME WHY.

The Shirt

"hey we're not going to have sex for at least a month but you're awesome."

The Internet Gay Strikes Again

maple balls.

The Ceramic Doll

it's like we ran out of things to say,
and i don't like it.

Arrow Up Arrow Down

i was thinking
when we were quiet.

Sleepless Nights

this is getting to be a routine.
where i'll be dead tired all day,
and i'll use the computer until 11 or 12,
and go to sleep,
but i'll stay awake for a long time,
and i'll wake up at 12 or 1 in the afternoon.
what's happening to me???
i need help.

Other Side Of The World

move along,
and the fire fades away,
most of everyday,
is filled with tired excuses.

i wish i were simple.
it is,
isn't it,
nothing is complicated.
not if you take it apart
and analyze it.
everything's easy.
simple.
plain.

Cold Night, Dark Night.

star light,
star bright,
first star i see tonight,
i wish i may,
i wish i might,
have the wish,
i wish tonight.

will i be happy again?

no. 0122

no more hatred.
no more hating anyone.
i'll just end up
being tired,
and retardedly depressed.

Insomnia

i lie awake at night,
wondering,
turning,
closing my eyes,
willing myself to sleep.
sitting up,
falling back down.
damn it.
can't sleep.

Somethin' Stupid

92' and Still Sexy.

In every story, there's a best friend and a leading lady,
this is my life, stop being the best friend.

That's a little corny,
like how every story
needs a happy ending.
I like corny.
I need some corny in my life.

Little Truth, Doubts and Lies.

i hate second guessing
i hate being insecure
i hate it that you're joking but i don't find it funny
i hate it that i feel threatened.
i hate it that i've changed.
i hate it that the pimples on my face aren't going away.
i hate it that i have to keep quiet or my happiness will be at stake.
i hate it that you think it's easy because it isn't for me.
i hate it the things you do, the words you say, can mean so much to me,
i hate it, that no one who has seen this, would come up to me and say
"are you all right"
i know,
i've chosen to keep my mouth shut.
but it won't hurt to care
would it?




for the thousandth time that i have typed this,
i have to be brave,
i have to click publish.

Triad Of Solar Periods

Thank God you're not a mom, you're such an ice-queen, any baby nursing from you will get brain freeze.

Firestarter

Don't be an idiot,
be safe.

My Self Esteem.

I've got issues.
BIG ONES.








Written by:
The Author.

One Good Day.

We can't prevent
What we can't predict.


So enjoy this beautiful day,
for we get so few of them.

A Song To Sing

i had a dream,
and woke up,
to find out,
that you were
the only one there.

New Shoes. New Home.

How is it that people can buy houses
as if they were worth nothing.
boom.
see.saw.bought.stay.

i like this place.
it feels safe.
like home.

too bad i'm the only one who thinks so.

You Caught Me Dreaming,

You were wearing 2 pairs of high heels.
you said it made you feel taller.

Not My Best.

how cliched is it,
that everytime a guy on tv
is caring,
warm,
funny,
and every girl want him.
how sweet he is.
have you wondered,
if he was real,
he would probably pass off
as a sissy mama's boy.

and when someone so sweet
on tv can be ugly,
or handicapped,
everyone will feel touched,
and will be on his side
and no one will be
on the handsome rapist's side.
but in real life,
everyone won't even
give a damn about
ugly sweet and handicapped.
and go directly to the handsome guy.

life is twisted.