Sunday, April 19, 2009

Here Endeth The Lesson.

You walked down those steps and I loved you. I could see your heart. You held it before you for everyone to see, and I was worried that it would get bruised or torn. And more than anything in my life, I wanted to keep it safe. To warm it with my own.
That's beautiful ... Or, taken literally, incredibly gross.
I was just thinking that too.


What do you pray for,
in the dark, before you sleep?

Wealth?
Peace?
Happiness?
Love?
Power?

or do you not pray at all?

when you go to a temple,
how long do you kneel,
in front of your god,
hold your hands in prayer,
and pray?

i see her,
mama,
when she prays,
she kneels,
her face,
at times,
troubled.
at times,
peaceful.
and she prays,
for the longest time.

[a week ago,
i was so happy,
that we were close,
that we were going to accomplish something.

and i saw the look in your eyes,
that day,
when it was over,
and you were cold.

what happened?
i thought that we would be the closest of friends forever.
maybe i was silly,

when time passes,
and everything fades away,
the pain,
and tears,
and i see you again,
with a little white hair,
or no hair at all,
i'm going to smile,
i'm going to wave,
because i found something.
something i thought i lost,
but didn't.

i know i'll miss you,
but this is a step you have to take,
i guess,
i never told you this,
but thank you.
thank you for being there,
always when i needed you,
when we drifted a part,
i cried,
because i wasn't ready,
not ready for you
to not be there
whether it was
macdonalds
or pepper lunch,
or just simple things,
like posing with grapes,
because we were so close,
and that we wouldn't be.
please know that
your true love will come along,
just be patient,
don't give up on love.
and tonight,
i'll pray that you find it.
-dojo.]

mama says that
at night,
before i close my eyes to sleep,
i should pray.

pray for the little girl,
in the black dress to leave.

[louie,
thank you.
for times that we were friends,
and times we were lesser,
i thank you,
for talking to me,
to let me feel
more or less,
forgiven.
and tonight,
i'll pray that your bad dreams will go away,
and that everything will be fine,
with your doll.]

[early pearly,
so you found it.
i love you.
and it doesn't matter what you answer is,
doesn't matter what happens,
whether the Earth is dying,
or ending,
or when you're telling me really cool cancer facts.
or when you ask me really ah?
even when we're fighting,
or when we're just goofing around,
making loads of noise
until niang tell us we're really noisy.
just know that
at night,
i pray that you're happy,
and one day,
the answer will be the answer i want.
-Babybop Stinson, Ah Pok, Eh]

when mama prays,
she doesn't pray for wealth,
or a house,
anything for herself.

she prays that her two beautiful daughters
will learn the right lessons,
and be happy,
and loved.

and at that moment,
my cheeks
were wet and salty,
cause I know,
that years later,
when she's cold,
she's not coming back,
she's not going to be there,
when I'm PMS-ing.
or when I'm lost.
And I'm so afraid,
that my last words to her,
won't be I love you.

So here endeth the lesson,
people pray,
the sick,
the healthy,
the weak,
the strong,
the poor,
the rich,
the loved,
and the loving,

they pray for the faith to get through tomorrow's obstacles.

but only the selfless pray for a tomorrow so the people they love will have faith.

and for my closest friends who have been asking me when,
this is really it,
my last words as a little grey girl.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

She's Gone!

Oh, got it. Lily and Marshall Awesome. Hey have you met the Awesomes? Lily, Marshall their son Totally and their daughter Freaking?

We made it through so much,
the late nights,
the crying,
the holding hands,
the talking,
screaming,
frustration,
sacrifice,
pain,
loss,
hope,
tears,

and we see it,
through out all the discrimination,
the confusion,
the drifting away,

we see it,
the so-called silver lining,
i found myself,
i finally knew,
what i was living on for.

and in that moment,
where we put our hands,
in the center,
shouting what we were,
what we were made of,

where we held hands,
bowed our heads,
and had let the tears flow,

in the hugs,
final whisper of good luck,
and the lights grew on,
i knew what i had been doing,
i had been living,
living to find myself.

for hell,
those suicidal feelings may come back,
i may get into that emo state of mind,
and then,
i look into your eyes,
and i know,

i'll know,
when i jump off,
every single one of you will be there to catch me.

we're not a special bunch,
i see us,
doing,
trying,
getting stressed out,

because we finally understood,

because we saw what was in each others eyes,

because we cried afterall,

and because we never gave up,

we're not special,
we're truly extraordinary.