ahahahahahahahah

PLEASE DO NOT MAKE ME USE AN EMOTICON.

Change.

i wonder what i'll be 10 years from now,
5 years ago,
i probably asked myself
what i would be,
5 years from now.
would have loads of friends.
would i be popular.
would i be going to a good school.

now,
i see people,
their lives,
their blogs,
and wonder,
would i be like them,
if i took a different path?

they look happy.
well,
they always do,
annoyingly so.
with their little emoticons
at the end of every freaking sentence.

how they would underline
and italics
and bold
and color
shoutouts
like happy birthday,
say it to them in person.
it's called sincerity,

i'm different.
i don't put emoticons.
i don't wish alot of people happy birthday.,
i'm not popular.
i'm not always
annoyingly
happy.

i dare to say something.
i dare to spell it out.

so it voices down to this.
i'm different.
i've made mistakes.
i ponder over things.
i know more than
i probably should.
i think to much.
i'm not popular.
i have good friends.

am i happy?

am i happy?






will i finally be able to answer that question?

no. 0106

sometimes cheating's much easier.
it's better,
cause there's a reason for not talking.

Robin Scherbatsky

You're gonna make a damn good nun.

All I Want For Christmas Is

Chocolate with Popping Candy.
Buffy Dvds (you can just tell me where to get them.)
Teal Hoodie with Zip.
Lose 5kg.(a girl can dream.)
Loads Of Money.
Bags Of Marshmallows.
New Bag.(Preferably not white)
New Purse.
Buffy Comics.
Accessories.
Money.
MY BIRTHDAY PRESENT.

Not Keychains.
Not Stuff Toys.
Not Things I'll Never Use.
Not Face Shop Nail Polish.
Not Cards.
Not You.
Not Clothes.

Chocolate with Popping Candy

nothing better.

Brunch

why did you have to throw your magnificent calves at me?
you know you have a punter's leg.

well, why did you have to throw your beautiful boobs at me?
you know you have,
boobs.

just admit it. you came here trying to seduce me.

seduce you? you seduced me.

you sat down next to me and took most of your pants off.

you went to San Fransisco for three months.

how was that seducing you?

well, it's not. but i'm still mad about it.

Deep Breaths.

i'm fine.it's just this roll is really spicy.

no. 0100

1 month and 5 days.

so of the many things i've been in life,
from the
carefree lame-o,
to the
emo lame-o.

from the
happy school girl,
that everyone liked,
to the
bitchy school girl,
that not everybody liked.

from the
confident friend,
to the
self conscious stranger.

from the
psycho
to the
therapist.

you know what,
i'm just 14.
i have to start a life,
that doesn't end up
with me solving
other people's problems,
but me solving my own.

not being tired
all the time,
and concluding
that i got tired,
for all the wrong reasons,
having no accomplishments.

so how was the trip you may ask.
i found out more than i wanted to.
i realised more than i wished i had.
i have to live my life now,
not as much as paradise there,
but i got pulled out of it again.
i know everything's the same,
or i feel it should be,
but i feel,
i don't know,
weird,
different,
changed.

i say things,
i do things
that i don't understand.
i feel like i'm drunk again,

why am i saying these things?
why am i feeling these things?

i used to be the person who would
say fine
and ok
to anything you wanted me to do.
anything anyone wanted me to do.
i was willing to do so,
and i was happy,

selfless.

now,
i don't,
i wouldn't want to walk
a bit more,
because that meant
I had to walk home alone,
and that you would
have the convenience.
what's become of me?
why am i acting this way?
i don't want to change.
yet,
i know it can't be avoided,
and also,
i want to stay the same,

what will become of me?
will i be the person
who people despise?
or the person
that will be loved?
or like her?
desperate?
attention-seeking?
aloof?
irritating?
self-pitied?
or confident?
happy?
well-loved?

will i be alone?

Breakout Face of The Year

goes to me.
i miss my
pre-sydney face.

Jennifer Love Hewitt.

Love like your heart's never been broken,
Live like there's no tomorrow,
Dance like no one's watching.

Phone Call

All you can do is give a little respect,
not like you earned anything,
why is it that you get help,
don't say it like you deserve it.

no. 0096

i was truly scared
until you talk to me,
alone.

Inspired by E.P.tarzan.

sayonara,
so long suckers,
adios,
EFF OFF.






'til thursday darling chickens

Bad Days

when life gives you lemons,
make lemonade.

Name 5 words starting with "Bi"

Bicycle.
Bicoastal.
Bisexual.
Bivocal.

er...


BUY NEW SHOES!

no. 0092

i'm happy.
i truly understand now,
that that's all that matters.

Comeback

i have to remember
that everyone has flaws,
that everyone is selfish,
that we are all still human.

i'm 14.
i feel alot older than that.

i've complained,
about me being fat,
and ugly.

but i have to be happy that i'm normal.

my legs are fat,
i have 2 legs to run,

my tummy has tires,
i have a stomach to do sit-ups,

my face is ugly,
i have a smile that can make me happy,

i'm normal,
that can make me,
that much more,
extraordinary.

The Harsh Light of Day.

it's raining,
to give hope
to the people
who want their problems
will be washed away.

it's night,
to give peace
to the people,
who had a bad day,
and let them rest,
for a better day.

it's cold,
to cool down
the people,
who are fuming,
who need to chill.

it's funny,
how bad things have a good side to them.

Unwanted Unhappiness

so i've been pondering
that there may have been
a mistake,
being paranoid about
something that
i should be very happy about,
maybe i'm scared that,
if i screw up,
everything will go down the drain.
why can't i understand,
that,

hey,
i did it.
this was,
and is
what i wanted from the start,
if i continue to think,
and be paranoid about
what others think,
i'll really screw up,

she said i was in.
that means,
i AM in.
she picked me,
cause i stood out.
and i have to do my best,
to show her,
she picked me
for the right reason.

all i have to do now
is give up fast food.

Mirth.

I don't deny,
I'm happy.

I'll admit,
I'm happy.

yet,
something's missing.

how can you feel
the true happiness,
if it's not perfect?

Very much Alive.

being alive
means being in this world,
living in it,
feeling it,
and it hurts.

Dot Dot Dot.

So time goes by,
silence,
knowing,
feeling,
thinking about the most irrelevant things,
having nothing to say,
yet it isn't awkward,
it feels,
comfortable,
as if,
it has been
like this all this while.

a little,
surreal.
and a little unrealistic,
how people can be one way,
and in the next minute,
totally different.

what happened to the person,
who would have so much in common with me,
and rant pathetic nothings
just because
we trusted each other.
where is the person
who would make
the most noise,
on the littlest thing.
where was the person,
who never fails to make me laugh,
the person who would just
dance,
and sing out of no where,
so maybe,
we're tired.

so we'll be quiet,
we'll talk about same things over again,
and i'll ponder what's going on
in that neon pink brain of yours.
and i'll enjoy it,
and wonder if you do to,
while you sit there,
talking to yourself.

"talk to me when you have a nice skin colour, coloured man."
-tofu butt

Found It.

and i drifted off to sleep,
i could feel it,
i could feel myself
slowly slipping,
losing control
to my sub-consciousness,
accept,
i was very much aware
of me falling into this darkness,
like the center of my soul,
my body.







felt funny.

Those Two Little Things on a Roaches' Head.

There's a reason for everything.

a reason for why
the jail bars are
made of metal.

a reason for why
we get rest by
sleeping on a bed.

a reason for why
cockroaches have
feelers,
and we don't.

feelers,
are the 5 senses
to the cockroach.
without it,
they can't see,
feel,
taste,
smell,
hear.
they won't be able to survive,
pluck out a cockroach's feelers,
and it will die.
that's how they live,
they have to little things
that twitch,
and move
to understand
what's happening around them.

human's are not so fortunate,
they don't have feeler's
to understand
something else,
they have a brain,
that's 97% unused.
3% confusing.
we can't tell all the time
what someone else
is thinking
feeling,
what they know,
how they show their emotions,
anything.
so it makes it
that much harder
to express your confusion,
and clear it.
this is why misunderstandings happen.
this is also why
we should try to
clear the misunderstandings,
we could have avoided,
by speaking your mind,
and be mindful of
both what you say
and
how you say it.
and not second guessing the person,
why can't we give the person
the benefit of the doubt.

Pots.

thank god,
no one was hurt,
you can only learn
to treasure life
so much more.

no. 0082

I don't want
to be trying too hard
for something
i know
i can do well in
because
that'll just come off as
cheesy little thing.

Bull

when she told me
how happy they were,
it made me feel good inside,
not really about them,
but what i did
that made them happy.
for once in my life,
i did the right thing.


no one can go living
saying
they never
regretted anything
they did in their lives

everyone will live with
the regret
of knowing,
there had to be another way.

A Little Chalky.

Something
so dead and
so cold,

and yet,
i burn for it.

internet gay

you sound like this horny teenager
with raging hormones
with serious acne
and watches porn on the internet
cause you can't get laid

Too Much Therapy

words;
a unit of language, consisting of one or more spoken sounds or their written representation, that functions as a principal carrier of meaning. Words are composed of one or more morphemes and are either the smallest units susceptible of independent use or consist of two or three such units combined under certain linking conditions, as with the loss of primary accent that distinguishes blackʹbirdʹ from blackʹ birdʹ. Words are usually separated by spaces in writing, and are distinguished phonologically, as by accent, in many languages.





words, are so much more than that.


words;

can hurt,
can spread love,
can smile,
can be interpreted,
can be interpreted wrongly,
can be toned down,
can mean everything
you do not want the person to know,
can say everything you want,

words,
a magical thing,
that have 2 faces,
of the same thing,

words,
are the things we take for granted,

words,
are the things
that doesn't have a
"DANGER use carefully!!"
sign on it.
which makes it that
much more important
about using them.

words,
are the things that
you use to express
yourself,
so people will understand
what you are thinking,
and feeling.
and what you want them
to feel.

Corny Writing

classy pretty.

you really mean that?
-thanks.

don't take compliments
for granted,
put your heart into it,
mean it,
and make someone's day.

it also helps
when you know
when to tell the truth.

Wipe Your Bottom

Star Faggotry,
stop worrying
and doing so much,
and just rest,
you are a great guy,
don't let it go down the drain
by going crazy,
learn to say
STOP I'M NOT GONNA HELP YOU YOU LITTLE FUCKING GAY.

sounds like a campaign.

Armageddon

God,
Christ
and
the Holy Spirit.

Satan,
Antichrist
and
the False Prophet.

Love Remains the Same

A thousand times I've seen you standing
Gravity like lunar landing
You make me want to run till' I find you
I shut the world away from here
I drift to you, you're all I hear
As everything we know fades to black

Half the time the world is ending
Truth is I am done pretending

I never thought that I
Had anymore to give
You're pushing me so far
Here I am without you
Drink to all that we have lost
Mistakes we have made
Everything will change
But love remains the same

I find a place where we escape
Take you with me for the space
The city buzz sounds just like a fridge
I walk the streets through seven bars
I have to find just where you are
The faces seem to blur
They're all the same

Half the time the world is ending
Truth is I am done pretending

I never thought that I
Had anymore to give
You're pushing me so far
Here I am without you
Drink to all that we have lost
Mistakes we have made
Everything will change
But love remains the same

So much more to say
So much to be done
Don't you trick me out
We shall overcome
It's all left still to play

We should've had the sun
Could have been inside
Instead we're over here

Half the time the world is ending
Truth is I am done pretending
Too much time too long defending
You and I are done pretending

I never thought that I
Had anymore to give
You're pushing me so far
Here I am without you
Drink to all that we have lost
Mistakes we have made
Everything will change
Everything will change

I, oh I,
I wish this could last forever
I, oh I,
As if we could last forever

Love remains the same
Love remains the same

Wile E. Coyote and Road Runner

BeepBeep.

10 months pregnant.

so full,
so full,
wonder how the kids in africa are doing.

City Of Angels.

It's about showing people there's still love and hope in the world.

people from
all over the world
come here
because they
don't fit anywhere else.

Hush Little Baby.

i'm still waiting,
for you to sing to me,
my lullaby,
so i can sleep again.

hush little baby,
don't say a word,
mama's gonna buy
you a mocking bird.

if that mocking bird don't sing,
mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring.

if that diamond ring turns brass,
mama's gonna buy you a looking glass.

if that looking glass gets broke,
mama's gonna buy you a billy goat.

if that billy goat won't pull,
mama's gonna buy you a cart and bull,

if that cart and bull fall down,
you'll still be the best little baby in town.

by memory,
if i do say so myself.

Mrs. Therapy.

i amazes me,
how something simple
like drinking coffee
and eating ice-cream
can lead to such a great friendship.

people make mistakes,
we learn,
and then move on.
if we don't forgive,
and forget,
then ask yourself,
what are friends for?

Hello Stranger.

Friends were created for a reason,
they were created to be the family you never had,
to be the ones who would take you by the hand,
when you family couldn't,
they were the ones who would fight with you,
and give you the challenge to make peace with,
because they weren't family,
but they were always worth it.

Dark Red Nails.

everything happens for a reason.

do you notice
they only say that
about the bad things
that happen?

Angelus

sing a song to me,
and tell me how
you really feel,

for when he found out,
that he had already fallen for her,
it was too late,
they were already enemies,
rather poetic...
in a maudlin sort of way.

i know what they are lacking,
emotion,
feeling,
the gist that made people
see everyday,
see this,
was because i was spelling out
something that i felt,
not something that
i could not conceive.

Big Fat Liar

I just love saying that.

Desperate,

How is it that everyone has something to do on the exact day that i don't?

Krysta Now

We're a bisexual nation living in denial. All because of a bunch of nerds. A bunch of nerds who got off a boat in the 15th century and decided that sex was something to be ashamed of. All the Pilgrims did was ruin the American Indian orgy of freedom.

Backtrack.

"everything happens for a reason,
so maybe,
just maybe,
i'm supposed to learn something from this."


she said i looked better in the past,
when i didn't have my crying fits,
when i was happy.

maybe then,
i didn't think so much.
maybe,
just maybe,
this was what i was supposed to learn.

true happiness is the best make up,
it's also the rarest.

E.P.S

i need my pillow hugs.
i miss my pillow hugs.

no. 0056

LAYER 1: ON THE OUTSIDE.
1. Name: Yan Shan.
2. Birth date: 9 September.
3. Current status: Single.
4. Eye colour: Brown.
5. Hair colour: Brown.
6. Righty or lefty?: Right.

LAYER 2: ON THE INSIDE.
1. My heritage: Chinese.
2. Fears: Spiders, Cockroaches, Beetles, Ants, Flies, Bees, Unknown Insects.
3. My weaknesses:Fucking Emotional.
4. My perfect pizza:Hawaiian.

LAYER 3: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW
1. My thoughts: Money, Shopping, Death, Australia, Food.
2. My bedtime:1+
3. My most missed memory: Sleeping in.

LAYER 4: MY PICK
1. Pepsi or coke? : Coke.
2. Single or group dates? : Single.
3. Adidas or Nike? : Nike.
4. Tea or nestea? :Tea.
5. Chocolate or vanilla? :Depends.
6. Cappuccino or coffee? :Cappuccino.

LAYER 5: DO YOU
1. Smoke: NO.
2. Curse: YES.
3. Take a shower: YES.
4. Have a crush: NO.
5. Think you have been in love: NO.
6. Go to sch: YES.
7. Want to get married: YES.
8. Believe in yourself: NO.
9. A health freak?: YES.

LAYER 6: IN THE PAST
1. Drank alchohol: no.
2. Went to a mall: yes.
3. Been on a stage: yes.
4. Eaten sushi: yes.
5. Dyed your hair: no.

LAYER 7 : HAVE YOU EVER...
1. played a stripping game: Nope.
2. changed who you were to fit in: Yes.

LAYER 8: AGE YOU'RE HOPING...
1. to get married: 26.
2. get a job: 21.

LAYER 9: IN A BOY
1. Best eye colour: Dark Blue/ Grey/ Brown/ Green.
2. Best hair colour: Brown.
3. Short hair or long hair: Short.

LAYER 10: WHAT WERE YOU DOING...
1. One minute ago: The Quiz.
2. One hour ago: Tv
3. Hours ago: Sleeping.
4. One month ago: Sleeping.
5. A year ago: Sleeping.

LAYER 11: FINISH THE SENTENCE
1. I love: Food, and Money and Shopping.
2. I feel: Funny.
3. I hate: PMS.
4. I hide: My Pimples.
5. I hate: Fats.
6. I miss: Laughing.
7. I need: Chocolates, and Ice-cream, and BnJs with caramel.

Layer 12: THE NEXT 3 PEOPLE
1.Jane
2.Xue Yi
3.Amanda

Just Need 5 mins.

i just realised,
hey,
you know what.
if i'm sober enough to know,
i have 2 of the most amazing friends
i could ever hope for,
i should be sober enough
to snap out of anything,
i don't want to
face death one day,
and have my life flash
right before my eyes,
and say
"i've got to get myself a life"
i don't want to live a life of regret,
losing my true friends,
to moments of
stupidity.

so no more complaining.
you're gonna see a change.

Underwater.

i need to know i'll be able to breathe without your oxygen tank.

Wear a Wimple.

i can seriously be a effing nun.

BLOODY HELL

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD?

Excuses

maybe,
maybe i'm saying i'm tired,
because i have nothing else to say.
maybe i'm saying i'm tired.
because deep down,
i am.

5 Second Sober,

yeah,
maybe i am thinking to much.

Hope.

i'm sorry that i made you feel that way,
maybe in this crazy drunk state of mind,
there's still some sanity left.

No. 3 Foundation

i'm putting on a costume.
i'm putting on a mask.
i can't get over it,
i'm trying,
i'm really trying.
i should shut up,
and stop complaining.

i'm not tired.
i know i'm not,
i don't know
what the hell is wrong with me,
i know being tired is just an excuse.
i don't know what's affecting me,
i don't like it.
i don't like
not knowing what's wrong.
i hate it,

i hate it that
i'm lying.
i hate it that
i'm selfish,
and immature,
i'm not thinking properly,
i know that.
this is like,
a dream or something.
or a really bad
hangover i can't snap out of.

can you just tell me things will be alright?
i know i'm quieter,
compared to you guys,
i don't feel left out.
i don't.
i really don't.
or do i?
am i lying?
without even knowing it?
am i going psycho?
am i real?
am i just some figment of an imagination?
am i screaming?
do you notice?
am i dreaming?
am i singing?
is it a sad song?
maybe i'm really tired,

can you just hold me,
and tell me,
it'll be ok?

Little Things,

it's the little things that matter,
and it's the little things we notice,
the little gestures,
the little things you say,
people notice more than you think,
my darling,
just listen,
maybe you'll finally be happy about yourself.

warning.

i talk about the random things
i think about the random things
i know about the random things
i ponder about the random things

watch out,
i may be thinking
more than you want me to know.

White Chocolate

i like it because it's pure,
white,
yummy,
sweet,
melty,

it won't make you sick,
and guess what,
chocolates are good for you,
but who the hell would eat chocolates
when you have a fever,
sore throat,
or ulcer?

only the crazy ones.

Bitching Again.

so,
you do notice,
so,
you do care,
so,
you don't really show it,
so,
you should just listen,
so,
i'll keep quiet,
so,
you'll be happier.

Homo Sapiens.

so we spend 3/4 of our lives
searching for our other half,
we are never happy,
we still feel empty,
maybe,
we feel that
there's something more,
something else to gain,
something to find.
something that's
more,
satisfying.

satisfying.
we won't find something we want,
without wanting more,
satisfied,
an overstatement,
it's only normal that we want more,
normal that,
we will never have enough,
normal that,
we will think,
out there,
some where,
is something worth the trouble,
we won't rest for
"just enough"
we'll be
unsatisfied.
that's just,
human nature.

human nature,
craving for perfection,
wanting more,
greed,
pride,
anger,
lust,
envy,
gluttony,
sloth,
the way someone only looks
at the bad points of others.
the way,
we crave everything good,
and won't stop until we get perfection.
the way,
we won't accept change,
or anything negative.
the way we talk bad about others,
but would hate it if others did it to you.

you see,
we are human,
only human,
why do we want more,
when we have so much?

humans,
do you realise,
no matter how much
we fight,
beg,
try
or want,

we will always be alone,
a single time bomb,
till we die,
absolute,
alone.

Hotshot Sugar

darlin' you're still divine.

Intervention

The who whatting how with huh?

Inhaling Carbon

Fear no more the heat of the sun.
Nor furious winters rages.
Thou thy worldly tasks hath done,
home art gone and thain thy wages.
Golden lads and girls all must,
as chimney sweepers come to dust.

Primeval

Spiritus;
spirit

Animus;
heart

Sophus;
mind

Manus;
hand

dulce de leche

i miss the sweet churros,
with the little sugar sprinkled on top.

Lie to Me

Lie to me.

Yes,
it's terribly simple.
The good guys are always stalwart and true,
the bad guys are easily distinguished
by their pointy horns,
and black hats,
we always defeat them,
and save the day.
We always win
and nobody ever dies,
or gets hurt,
and we all live
happily ever after.

Liar.

Blackhole

no stars tonight,
for the world has stopped dreaming,
for the stars lost their faith in us,
the stars that represented hope,
shone no more,
as we didn't desire,
what we thought didn't matter,
so now the world is dark.

i'm a happy girl

walked 'till my feet hurt,
shopped 'till i dropped,
purse is empty,
heart is filled,
bogus ecstasy,
5 seconds of adrenaline,
I really get it.
live while you can.

carpe diem baby.

seize the day.
live while you can,
do not fear,
for fear can only lead,
to faster death,
prolonged suffering,
self-loathing,
self-hatred,
self-involvement,
that will lead to
self-destruction,

living is,
was,
and will always be hard,
but we do it,
we fight everyday,
not to win,
but because,
there are things worth fighting for.

me in the world

you sometimes think that you are,
insignificant,
no one will remember you,
never special,
it's not like the principal will
remember your face,
it's not like the president will
ever come across your name,
but,
think about it,
all your friends,
will remember you till the day they die.
if you made an impact that big,
on that many friends,
that's not significance,
that's special.

losing weight

aren't you gonna starve?

i'm starving.

truth.

You two are the two who are the two. I'm the other one.

On a scale of 1-10?

Easy as really difficult pie.

"Watcher" on his resume.

If I leave here tomorrow
Would you still remember me?
Well I must be traveling on now
There's too many places I've got to see
And if I stay here with you, girl
Things just couldn't be the same
'Cause I'm as free as bird now.

keep running

don't let me fall,
don't let me slip,
catch me,
come on.
keep me running
keep me wanting more.

must haves

marshmallows
chocolate
strawberries
bananas
ice-cream
tartlets
smores.

The Yoko Factor

oh he's the deadest dead man in deadonlia

no. 0025

Lim Pok Yee is smiling at you.

Make-Up

don't you just love fridays,
when you can sleep late,
watch all the tv you want,
without a care in the world,
sleep in the next day,
with ultra huge black eye rings
and eye bags?