thanks

hello 'bah-loo-ku'
hahaha
thanks for the great present ytd.
i had fun.
it was really nice and funny.
i loved it.

many many thanks!

LOVE
'cherm-ber-daat'
:D

James

When I say I love you, it's not because I want you, or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are. What you do. How you try. I've seen your kindness, and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you, and I understand, with perfect clarity, exactly what you are. You're a hell of a woman. You're the One.

Trust.
you have it, or you don't.

it's there,
and then it's gone.

just like that.

it takes a million years to build,
and in a second,
just that little second,
and everything is gone.

Walk Through the Fire.

These endless days are finally ending in a blaze.

in small ways and in bigger ones,
we all know that this year,
is a year that everyone changed,
for better or for worse,
but we like it,
the friends,
the company,
and level of maturity.

and happiness will prevail through the darkness of times.

LEVINSON.

time goes by, and everything drops away, all the cruelty, all the pain, all the humiliation, it all washes away, I miss my friends, I miss my enemies, I miss the people I talk to everyday, I miss the people who never knew I existed.

POLLY PUT HER FUCKING KETTLE ON.

good times,
are meant to be missed,
when times are bad.

will you be nice for once,
and tell me
fine,
we'll do it your way.

i'm tired,
i really am,
just by thinking.
of all the things happening around me,
the endless questions of what's going on in your mind,
if i'm such a good friend,
i should know don't I?

SACRIFICE.
BE CONSIDERATE.

Life is Sick and Twisted.

your death by information won't disturb the peace on distant stars.

you see,
you only treasure life,
when you see someone else lose it,

why doesn't everyone see it this way,
everyone fears death because it's so unexpected,
so sudden,
it can be taken away from you in just a moment,
and there you leave your loved ones to mourn for you,.

this is what it means,
CARPE DIEM.

seize the day.
you never know when you're going to die,
so why not get everything done first?
don't leave anything hanging,
finish whatever you have to finish
before you won't ever get to.

and be brave,
death,
gives life it's meaning,
only those who fear death,
have nothing to live for.

Unstable Fingers

Damn. I never knew you were that cool.
Well, you always were a little slow.

Curvy spots.
Curvy lines.
flawless.

and now i find myself unable to write
and doodle what i want to doodle.

and then when twice the charming
songs that sing together in perfect harmony,
is the thing you call chaos.

blabber.
tired.
wanna sleep.

so for all the things i have changed,
i have never thought i would see the day
where i lost even more confidence then
what little of it i had in the past.

i can let the lyrics flow out of my head,
to this electronic writing pad,
because it's all buttons,
z will always be at the bottom right hand corner,
but when you use a pen,
it has to show an elegance
that tells your life story.

so tell me again,
why is it that i should close down my blog?

The Body

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
Just remember, it's always darkest just before the dawn.

I don't understand. I don't understand how this all happens. How we go through this. I mean I knew her, and then she's, there's just a body, and I don't understand why she can't just get back in it and not be dead anymore. It's stupid. It's mortal and stupid, and, and everyone is crying and not talking, and I was having fruit punch and I thought, well, she will never have any more fruit punch, ever. And she'll never have eggs, or yawn, or brush her hair, not ever and no one will explain to me why

Fool For Love

You have a death wish. Sooner or later, you're gonna want it. And the second- the second - That happens... You know I'll be there. I'll slip in... have myself a real good day.
Here endeth the lesson.

A Dark Love,

Being with you touches me,
more than I can say,
but since I'm only dead to you,
I'm saying stay away.

everyone has their little secrets,
it can be an addiction,
an affair,
a murder,
something you keep locked up somewhere
you hope no one will stumble across,
sleeping with someone you hate,

have you ever wondered
why you're keeping it a secret?

because it's wrong.

Early Pearly Says.

"hello i think spike is cute
haha he is such a Q-T 3.14236765441"

write a note.

He got the kid?What kind of lawyer is that?
A good one. He won full custody.
Oh yeah... getting the kid is winning isn't it?

"You have luck with children"

EWWWEWWWEWW.
i hate it that i'm the one suffering,
and when i finally speak up,
it's my fault.


i have the worst memory.

Back To The Beginning

we fight all the demons in our lives,
the inner ones,
the outer ones,
what if we can't fight them anymore?
what if we defeated all of them?

we can beat the down our demons until the cows come home,
and then we can beat up the cows.
but what does that mean,
is evil really going to give up?

no.
evil is always going to come back,
stronger,
always.

they say the only thing that can possibly fight and win evil,
is good,
is hope,
faith,
all that bullshit.

it's ourselves,
we have to taste evil before we can even fight it,
or possibly win it.

but that's not why we fight,
we do it,
because there are things worth fighting for.

Bring on the Night.

I'm beyond tired. I'm beyond scared. I'm not ready? They're not ready. They think we're gonna wait for the end to come, like we always do. I'm done waiting. From now on, we won't just face our worst fears, we will seek them out. We will find them, and cut out their hearts, one by one.

what is going on in that mind of yours?
you keep me guessing your every move,
and i don't know what to say,
you've changed.
i've changed.

now what?
can we still be as good friends as before,
pouring our secrets out to one another?

i remember when i would be the first one to help you,
whenever you needed something.

and now,
i don't feel the urge,
or rather,
i don't want to.

and there are times where i question my place
and hers,
when in the past,
i knew i came first,
always.

so now that everyone has changed,
tell me,
where do i stand?

Glinda.

bunnies aren't just cute like everyone supposes.
they got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses.
and what's with all the carrots?
what do they need such good eyesight for anyway?

in the link that tied us there,
in the simple talk,
and rejection,
i lost all hope.

moving on.

i lost my funny. I LOST MY FUNNY!

I want the fire back.

in this place
and this hour.

now what do i do?

i want to say things,
and i have to think,
hey wait,
no.
the old me would never say something like that.

now what do i do?

it was the one thing i would give anything to keep.
because if i had it,
it was as if i had everything else.

now what?

and i'm whining.
and i'm tired.
and i'm confused.
and i'm colourless.

I LOVE BARNEY STINSON.

Friends are supposed to support each other in everything they do.
Yeah, if you're a smurf.

DADADA
dadada
DADADA
dadada
dadedadedade

Why does a man do what he musn't? For her. To be the kind of man who would nev-To be a kind of man. And she will look upon him with forgiveness... and everybody will forgive and love. And he will be loved. So everything's okay, right? C-can we rest now?Can we rest?

fuck you, fuck you very very much.

screw all people who resort to violence.
screw all people who are selfish.

last but not least,
screw all people
who whine and scream for no good reason.

AND
screw those with bad advice to give.

a problem is not fun you idiot.

no. 0196

what's wrong with being clingy?
we just want to know if you love us.

red.
orange.
yellow.
green.
blue.
purple.

colours of the rainbow.
but come on,
we all just want the pot of gold at the end of it.

2 February

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? Why do you treat people like this? So now my life is unscrewed, thanks for screwing it up all over again.

CHILDISH.
PLAIN CHILDISH.

oh and BTW,
there should be a reason if people don't like you,
whether it's a misunderstanding,
or you yourself is in the wrong,
why not just clear it up with them?

I CANNOT STRESS ON HOW MUCH YOU SHOULD NOT DON'T CARE.

I,We,They,She,He,It. You.

don't lie and say that it's ok,
it's alright if there's nothing more to say.

and i see your name on the contact list,
and i click on your name,
and i hesitate,
out of all this crap,
what if you don't feel the same way?

what if the answer isn't what i want?
what if,
it turns out that we are really just friends,
nothing more nothing less?
what am i going to do,
wondering all the time whether we could have worked out?

Unforseen

A muscle cramp? In your pants?

i really need a new way of writing.
this is getting boring.

Blondie Bear?

WHAT THE BLEEDING HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU BLOODY WOMEN?!

i wish i was braver,
to pick up the phone,
to ask you the question
that has been bugging me
for the last half a year.

what's should i do now?

The 4-Core Scoobies.

Not the bang. Not the word. The true beginning. The next few months are going to be quite a ride, and I think we're all going to learn something about ourselves in the process. You'll learn you're a pathetic schmuck, if it hasn't sunk in already. Look at you, trying to do what's right. Just like her. You still don't get it. It's not about right. Not about wrong.

so tons of them,
in front of me,
singing.

yet none wants to step up,
and talk to me.

for they are afraid,
as long as i know something about them,

as long as i listen,

they will need something from me,

because she's right.
there's no doubt about that.





It's about power.

Him

I'd kill for him!!
[scoffs] You'd kill for a chocolate bar.

it's good that i'm happy.
now that i don't have anything else to say,

i guess it's easier to say what i feel
when i feel sad,
rather than happy.

I Got My 200 When I Went Past Go.

The littlest things that take me there
I know it sounds lame but its so true
I know its not right, but it seems unfair
That the things are reminding me of you
Sometimes I wish we could just pretend
Even if for only one weekend

The first time that you introduced me to your friends,
and you could tell that i was nervous,
so you held my hand.

so i lost the song in my heart,
and the colour in my soul,

but i'm happy,
isn't that what matters?

You, Me, and Him.

yes, you see, when you love someone, that's when it hurts the most.

i'm tired.
and sleepy.
i should probably go to sleep.

i really want to prove to
everyone that i can do it,
i'll do better than everyone else.

she said that i have the potential.

i may not be sure of that,
but i know that i can achieve so much more,
but i just need to work hard.

just a little motivation will do.

now let's see,
why does everyone think so little of me?
is it because i am so goofy all the time?

maybe they don't see the potential that i have.

i need to see it for myself first,
don't you see.

and i'm tired,
so can't you spell it out for me?
show me a little glimpse of the power i have,
that they don't?

if i could score higher,
why can't i do better?

time to work hard,
dear.
but first, sweet dreams.

OXYEAR

i can't take it any longer
i thought that we were stronger,
all we do is linger,
slipping through my fingers,

so a festive mood,
is it all it takes,
friends,
and family,

but don't you realise,
why we're so dissapointed when the next day,
we have to go back to our schools and works,
and see,

this is just an escape,
for one or 2 days,
and then we get back to our hell we call education.

Choco Baby

Dreams,
dreams,
when we had just started things.

it was my only outlet.

so when you weren't around,
i had something to do.

and then it became an obsession.

so the tears flow,
so the wind blows.

so the time goes by,
and so the lady with the pink parasol
walks away,
with the grace and poise of a beautiful ballerina,

and the gentleman hums,
the lovely song of which
they had grown to love,
and said goodbye.

the child sings
for all to hear:

for now,
for now,
i can't seem to talk,

i had locked myself in.
unable to breathe,

can't even shout,
can't even cry,

the hurt that they did,
no one knows,

the things they say,
the words they use,

have made me so confused,
i try to cry,
i try to plead,

they don't see anyone else,
only themsleves.

so sorry for them,

so sorry,
yet everyone else smiles.

mayeb they're the ones crying inside,
the ones that won't be noticed.
the ones that are gonna die screaming,
but won't be heard.

Empty

abandoned.
bare.
barren.
blank.
clear.
dead.

all the things that go on in my head.

acrimony
animosity.
fury.
indignation.
peevishness.
choler.
wingding.

all the things that will go up in flames.

bliss.
cheer.
geniality.
jubilation.
vivacity.
merriment.

all the things no one can really hold in their hands.

SHUT YOUR MOUTH

do i feel mean?
do i think i'm very mean?
yes.
of course.

she didn't do anything to me,
yet she hurt me.
just by being herself,
you know she changed.
but i don't.
i don't see why you hated her in the past,
but find her nice now.
and i can't stand it that i hate her.

this stupid thing
where the on/off switch has a mind of it's own.
yes.
i know it's stupid.

yes.
i know she's my friend,
so?
does she ever think that it may be her fault?
just admit that somehow,
no one is perfect?

and does she know how hard she is making my life?
just because she doesn't want to have one,
doesn't mean i can't.

i have MY own friends,
MY own life,
and i don't want her touching everything i'm doing.

i need something,
that is my own.
something to call my own?
without her giving her stupid comments.

is that so much to ask?

have you seen the way she treats me?

i don't like it when she has such control over me.

and i hate it that i'm the "bad guy" here
cause she "changed".

and in my dream i slapped that little girl so hard she fell to the floor, and i slapped her again, and again and again and again and told her that she just be a mute, it would be better for everyone on earth, and then the people around looked at me like i was a lunatic, because all she did was laugh, irritatingly, and noisily, and then the girl cried, and there she is, the center of attention.

Dead And Death

you're so sad maybe you should buy a happy meal,
you're so skinny you should really supersize the deal.

it's not really over is it?
when you die.
do we really become spirits,
or do we reincarnate?
do we get to choose what we will become?
or go straight to heaven?
or hell?

and what will it feel like,
to get cremated and stuff.

what will our last thoughts be?
what will your last words be?
who will you say "i love you" last to?

what's going to happen to them?
will we be able to watch?

Apology

it's easier to breathe,
when you're happy.

i'm a load of crap.

and i will finally stop blaming
my period
and everyone else
for my unhappiness.

and if i have upset
or insulted you in any way,
i'm am truly sorry.

PMS

i hate it when
mrs. period visits.
we get all emotional,
and no one seems to understand.

Got Any Weed?

now,
everyone knows what it's like
to be left out in the cold,
to have no friends,
you can count on,
or no friends,
who will talk to you.

they sink into a state,
of depression,
and then,
they get their friends back,

be mean to them,
ad the process starts over.


and no one realises
realises that they should stop being mean.

and no one realises that i'm trying.
oh god.

and now everytime i talk to you,
i feel as if,
everyone is judging me,
cause you are my friend,
and i hoping
praying so badly,
that you won't influence me,

No Space For Lyrics

and i finally realised,
i want to have fun,
and have a life,
you don't think i want to sing because it's stupid?
i don't sing,
because i can't,
i can't play a tune in my heart,
and sing to it,
don't you think i would like to be you guys,
for about even a minute,
to not care about what others might think,
every single second of your life?
and i have to be the responsible one,
the one who doesn't dare to do anything,
the one who is the boundary,
the one that doesn't have fun,
i'm the boundary
because
I HAVE TO BE THE BOUNDARY,
the limit.

and now i'm crying cause i want to be happy.
that's all i want.

and i can't cry
cause it's wetting the pore strip.

and i thought that i was crying,
but i didn't feel the tears,
until i opened my eyes.

and i have to cry into the towel for fear of my grandma hearing.

i want to relax,
i want to have fun,
i want to be happy,
i want to grow up and see what you guys will turn like,
and hope i do better cause
i don't want to regret being responsible.

i know that's mean, but

you say i'm always emo,
depressed,
extra,
cut off.

but in the end,
i'm always cut off,
at the end,
somebody has to draw the line,
and that person always has to be me,
because who else will?

you'll probably say,
just forget everything,
i have a right to be happy,
do i?

at this point
i have no idea where my place is on earth,

god,
don't you think want to be on the phone,
with my friends,
just talking about boys,
that i don't want to fall in love,
but i do,

but if i start,
i don't want to be the monster i was,
and i don't want to do anything,
that could possibly link me to that,

and i'm sorry,
i just don't know
what my next step is.

Yael Naim

I'm a new soul,
in this very strange world,
Hoping I could learn a bit
'bout how to give and take

blah.

i don't know what to do.

and i understand
what it means,
to just want to cry,
just to let everything out.

because i feel exactly the same way.

Resolution

They're Transvestites!!!
AHH! AHH!

so i'm your little dog,
that follows you around?

i don't get why
i keep stirring this up,

i should have
the decency to just let myself relax,

but no,
you had keep telling me.

Joss

This isn't some fairy tale, when i kiss you, you don't wake up from some deep sleep and live happily ever after.
No. When you kiss me, i want to die.

and so now i wonder,
what am i going to do?

i thought i settled it,
but now,
am i really
going to sit around
and wait
for some opportunity,

or am i going to find it?

All The Kisses In The World

I think sometimes that all my hair will fall out and I'll be bald.

now,
tell me,
what is it
you expect from me.
what is it
that you want.
who,
or what
am i?


now i wonder,
if each "i'm sorry"
is a bunch of lies,
and each "accident"
is a motive.

tell me,
right now.
because i need
to leave,
for my freedom,
for my friends.

so you got your turn,
when is it going to be mine?

Epiphany

And one by one the years of our lives
Stumble as the moments pass
So please hold on,
so please hold on

and now,
i feel better,

but i wonder,
what am i now?
i used to be the one talking,
no, i used to be the one listening,
the one who always had something good to say.

quoted that you'll talk,
but now,
i may look ok,
i might even feel ok,
but i just really need you
to be there for me
like i was for you.

Pointed At Nine

car crash in slow motion

we talk,
and breathe,
we are the same,
really.

but here's a question,
why do people hate it
when others do the things they do?

Popularity

to be surrounded by people and yet be completely alone

take a good look in the mirror,
and ask yourself,
are you happy?

Well, I Guess Forever Just Got A Hell of a Lot Shorter.

you had one thing to live for, finally, and you gave it back?

because of the fine line
between right and wrong,
love and hate,
and
life and death.

but you don't understand,
don't you realise you hate everyone,
who cares about the things,
you don't really think about?

because
the people who don't care
will never understand
the people who do.

Leeches

Everything in my head is singing.


poisoned was the wine she drank,
laced with the most lethal drugs in the world,

poisoned was the wine she drank,
and so her stomach churned,

poisoned was the wine she drank,
as she fell to the floor,

now tell me,
one last time,
do you believe in miracles?

My God, You Know How Much I Needed This.

god, so i've been telling myself i have to change,
i can't let these people walk over me,
cause they think they are so magnificently awesome.
no.
they are not awesome,
they have bad fashion choices,
they have weird faces.
they think everyone is lame
and retarded,
unless they are boys.
and they think everyone is fat.
and they think whatever they say is a fact,
and i'm really sorry for those people,
cause they bring shame to the word "awesome"

they hate the ugly,
they make fun of the fat,
they suck-up to the pretty,

and guess what,
it's my mind,
my opinion.
thinking you are so cool just because you are famous,
well,
doesn't mean your well-liked.

and i regret that the same people put me in my place,
they changed me,
i stopped talking,
and i hated myself.
i felt sorry for myself.
they talked to me in ways,
that made me think why was i alive.

and why can't you people be normal?
why can't you guys tell when others need you?
why can't you spare a thought for others?
can;t you just stop putting people down?
why is it that you only get satisfactory
by laughing at other people shortcomings?
and at their mistakes?
is there anything that is more important
than you in your lowly self-centered world?

I'm Not There Anymore

And we'll be beaten down without mercy or meaning
I turn my face to a careless skyline
I'm searching hard for a sign from heaven
But they've forgotten me here


and i was totally quiet.

AND i was totally quiet.

and I was totally quiet.

and now i wonder,
if i make noise,
will they even notice?

you can say things,
you can just think it,
but i've said before,
i know what you think,
what you mean,

and it's not nice,

and i don't want to be there 20 years in the future,
regretting my choices.

but i know,
i still say hurtful things,

but please tell me,
if i don't,
there will still be something left of me.
cause i forgotten.

Meth

We're all looking for something
To take away the pain

i am trying to save a broken friendship,
for i made a mistake that shattered it all.

i am trying to shed my colours,
for i i've disgusted many with what i painted.

i have shed them all,
for i am going to create a new me,
who is happy,
who people like,
who is not easily irritated,
who is the old me,
before i changed.

i have succeeded ,
for i have forgotten what i was,
and only remember what i should not have been.

for i have forgotten
what people befriended me for,

for i have forgotten
what i should have been like,

for i have forgotten
what made me,
me.

The Olive Theory

Aww, that's so sweet.
So you chickened out like a little bitch?

i'm sorry,
for making you feel insecure.
i guess,
right now,
i'm just trying to find out
who my true friends are,
and i believe i know who they are.

thanks for talking to me.

and for the same reasons,
that's why we're such great friends,
the sick twisted way of us being on opposite ends,
creates the balance
that not even the closes of lovers can have.

Googly Eyes

Jealousy,
turning saints into the sea,
swimming through sick lullabies,
choking on your alibis,
but it's just the price i pay,
destiny is calling me,
open up my eager eyes.

sew up your lips,
won't you?
sew up your lips,
keep them shut.

i'm trying very very hard to like you.
when did it become my turn with this non-neutral towards you person?
and since when did my nails become so dirty?

and i really want to talk to my friends.
but i can't.
i just don't feel like i have the privacy.

the little girl walked towards the crowd and screamed happily,
and i imagined that i went forward and gave her a slap.
i smiled a little.

Bugger This

Why is the path unclear,
When we know home is near.
Understand we'll go hand in hand,
But we'll walk alone in fear.
Tell me where do we go from here.
When does "the end" appear,
When do the trumpets cheer.
The curtain's close, on a kiss god knows,
We can tell the end is near...

so everytime this feels like it's going to end,
something else just happens.
not like in a movie
where the ending is so predictable.

so what are we waiting for?
a prince on a white horse?
a pair of glass slippers?
a kiss of true love?

nope,
what we want is much more simple,
and much harder to get.

one
good
day.

Turn Down The Lights

Oh, simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when, you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
So if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?

maybe i made a mistake by walking away,
if i stayed,
who knows,
i may have had a better time.

that's the thing,
i do know,
i was hesitating,
so why didn't i say no?

i knew i shouldn't have followed,
i see your faces,
and i could tell you were happy.
that everyone was.
and i wasn't.

maybe i made a mistake,
maybe the mistake goes so far back,
to the past 2 years.
what good has this done for me,
actually,
tell me,
what good has this done for anyone?

Sweets Have No Meaning

I'm just a painter,
I do my crappy art,
but I see what's in your eyes,
and i know what's in your heart.

how do believe in something,
if you don't believe in yourself?

so throw your beach ball,
sing your favourite song,
eat your chicken wings,
walk on the sand,
play a fool,

and grow up.

dreams are meant to be fufilled,
if you don't believe in your dreams,
isn't that like,
playing with air?
a waste of energy?

i'm clever.
i have a normal body.
and this is what i'll do.
i'm going to study.
and the next time you hear of me,
you're not going to laugh at me,
you're not going to call me names,
you're going to say
"hey i should have been like her. now i'm a fatty with 10 kids."

Look At Me

i wish i could trust you
like how i did in the past.

do you even care,
or are you just
taking advantage
that someone will be there
to do things for you.
and that someone
is always me.

Stupid Questions.

we walk past each other,
but we don't acknowledge each other's
presence.
i waved,
only one waved back.
i find it kinda funny.
i apologised,
yet,
it's not really over,
is it?
will we be like this,
till the end of next year,
i screwed up,
i know that,
do you acknowledge the fact
that,
i'm sorry,

we walk past each other,
not willing to look into
the other party's eyes,
cause we do not know what to react.
i know you're looking,

so,
new year,
new beginnings,
does that mean,
you can't find something that's lost?

Sweet Chocolates On My Tab

it's not anyone's fault,
it's only a small matter.
why can't you just stop swearing,
and just let it go?

Where Do We Go From Here?

little white roses
in the garden sir,
little white roses
dancing in the wind.

so,
i wandered around,
no friends,
no goal,
just aimlessly wandering around.

do i regret?
yes.
am i happy now?
no.

how do you get through a time,
where you don't know what to do,
who to trust,
where to rest,
what to think?

is my life going to stay this way forever?
will i be the little girl that cries all the time?
will you be looking at this,
still asking who i'm referring to,
but not ask me if i'm alright?

will i be?

White Rose

they seem to want spikes.

and epiphany.
-a moment of revelation and insight.

Artic Thistles

I touch the fire and it freezes me.
I look into it and its black.
This isn't real, but I just wanna feel.

slap me now.
cause in about 4 hours and 45 mins,
i'll be a new person.
i'll get out of my black hole,
and smile.

IKEA

ee-kay-yeh
ai-kee-yeh
ee-kia


no one really knows.

tell me.

so now,
i'm a girl trying to change.
because i owe it to myself,
and everyone else,
that i can be something different.
something,
so much more.

and i'm sorry if you laugh at me,
or make fun of me.
cause that's your loss of letting go
of the disgusting me.

and here i am,
shedding off
what i was,
and changing into something
that grey person.
that grey person
with the yellow umbrella.
or the grey person
with the puple top.
i'll be the grey person.
no characteristics.
nothing special.
just me.

so tell me,
do you want to help or not?

say quote

i guess i did swear alot
on sat.
more then i usually do actually.
i thought since hey,
you guys are ok with it,
everyone should be too.

they don't realise i'm only joking.
2 years people.
2 years of going through
the most dramatic changes of my life.

i'm really sorry if i changed for the worst.
i've been manipulating.
into different bodies,
characteristics, more like.

i know i should do things.
but there's that-
no.
there's nothing.
no more excuses.
i will not swear from this day forward.
i will not bitch about people.
i will not hate anyone
who doesn't deserve it.
i will not start blogwars again.
i will be a better person.
a better,
happier person.

now,
screw off.

I Get It.

why am i letting so many people influence me?
i had so many good friends,
that i just threw away in a flick of my hand.
i don't want to hear you talk about them,
because i have the choice of who will remain as my friend.
and who doesn't.

at the beginning of the year
i had friends,
friends
from different classes.
friends that if i turned a corner,
i knew they would be there
so i could talk to them,

and i threw everything away.
i stopped hanging out with them,
and i stopped talking to them.
and my friends got lesser and lesser.
who could i really count on?

who can i really count on now?
i want to have the friends that i had 12 months ago.
the weekly dose of pepper lunches.

enough.
i am my own person.
I WILL NOT LET ANYONE RUN MY LIFE.
I WILL BE HAPPY.
I WILL NOT LET WHAT YOU SAY AFFECT MY DECISIONS.
i will be happy.
i will be happy.
finally.
i will have a mind of my own.








period.

The Awesomes

simple.
that's how it's supposed to be.
on some level,
it just has to be simple.
you can't struggle with the errands.
you have to be willing to do the things.
willing to sacrifice.
easily.
that's how it is with the person you love.
simple.

Belly Full Of Turkey.

will i stay this way forever?
sleepwalk through my life's endeavor.

i've woken up.
sobered up.
freshened up.

yes at 3 in the morning,
i'd probably be able to do PE.
and i'll probably wake up at 11.

i've got to stop napping.
but the comfort of my soft pillows
and terribly tempting.

also,
the temptation of the
chocolate cake in my fridge
is driving me nuts.

damn it that christmas has
to be right when school is about to start.
i know i have to start jumping and stuff.
but i'm just full of excuses.

and yah,
i've got to focus.
stop being emotional
with the petty things going on around me.
this time,
i have to study.

god,
i bet no one's gonna believe me.

hey.
here is me saying
that one day.
i'm going to be rich.
and
married to a very handsome
and preferably rich guy.
that lives in england.
or america.
and i'm going to be a success.
and i'll be really slim.
and rich.

no. 0149

if someone is a homosexual,
who are we to blame them?
it's in them.
it's their hormones.
how are we able to change how
they were born?
and why is everyone so
discriminating?

Afraid of The Seven Dawrfs.

Well, only doc. I mean the guy went to medical school. What's he doing living with 6 coal miners?

Let's Go To The Mall

falafel.

FALAFEL.

*sniggers*

Creation

on a cold christmas day,
what do you wish most for?
love?
hope?
faith?
friendship?
family?

why don't you ask for happiness?
all things come in a cycle,
maybe you didn't get something,
because you have to wait,
happiness needs time,
and effort,
and patience.

Eggnog

christmas is for
staying home,
and pigging out.

and then regretting.

Karma

a clever person makes a mistake
and learns from it,
a wise person observes another's mistake
and learns from that.

for everything is connected,
and that is why i change,
because what i did is wrong,
and selfish,
and it suddenly dawned on me
if i carry on like this,
i going to fail in life,
because she said,
the happiness you feel,
will reflect on your face.

The Second Sunday of Every May.

for their love is eternal,
unconditional,
they protect us with every fibre in their being,
they always put our happiness before theirs,
and their love for us starts,
right from the beginning.

Gone

You've cut your hair.


The little things you notice,
can be the little things that make a person know you care.
acknowledge the changes,
and tell them how you feel,
make it sound nice,
tone is all it takes.

Wrecked

But I mean, if you could be, you know, plain old hag or super woman, who would you be?



the hardest thing rebound from is addiction,
the toughest thing to refrain from is power,
the worst thing to give up on is yourself.

Smashed

Responsible people are so concerned with being good all the time that when they finally get a taste of being bad, they can't get enough.

they talk about the things in life that matter,
for a blunt girl who doesn't understand anything at all,
at least she can understand life,
which is more than i can say for most of us.

Apollo

the sun that shines,
brightly,
brings joy.

while the rain is despised,
cold,
cruel.

but we often forget,
that the rain,
brings the hope,
that all our troubles,
will one day be washed away.

Burned

so i have been singing my whole life,
maybe i stopped because,
because there are only so many songs
in the world,
so i stop singing
and wait for,
that's it,
i don't know
what i'm waiting for.

screw inconsiderate people.




i touch the fire and it freezes me,
i look into and it's black,
why can't i feel?
my skin should crack and peel.
i want the fire back.

Shoot, Shag, Marry

no matter how much
you despise or
hate or
avoid being
a hypocrite,
you will always be one.

The Fortress of Barnitude.

it's like a vacuum,
it's like a vacuum
sucking out my brain
it's sucking out the lyrics
leaving me to live
without the
catchy song in my heart,
the way i live.

Nothing Good Happens After 2 a.m.

i don't bitch about people
because i did that once,
and look where it landed me,
thanks alot
for looking at me
as if i were retarded.

I Pray You.

i don't understand.
i don't get why
i'm saying things for
no good reason.
why i do things
i never would before.
why i'm changing
without any control.
maybe i just don't
want to be
the sad little bitch
that i was before,
but i can't control anything.
i say things,
and wonder,
why did i say that?
i'd never say that in the past,
i think things,
which i won't even hesistate
to avoid thinking
a few months back,
my friends thought
that you were a bad influence on me,
and now,
more and more people are,
i dunno what to trust now,
i notice little things
that no one really
bothers about.
i just don't want to live like this,
it's stupid.
it's petty and stupid,
and human nature-ishly irritaing,
screw human nature,
I JUST DON'T FREAKIN UNDERSTAND
AND NO ONE WILL EXPLAIN TO ME WHY.

The Shirt

"hey we're not going to have sex for at least a month but you're awesome."

The Internet Gay Strikes Again

maple balls.

The Ceramic Doll

it's like we ran out of things to say,
and i don't like it.

Arrow Up Arrow Down

i was thinking
when we were quiet.

Sleepless Nights

this is getting to be a routine.
where i'll be dead tired all day,
and i'll use the computer until 11 or 12,
and go to sleep,
but i'll stay awake for a long time,
and i'll wake up at 12 or 1 in the afternoon.
what's happening to me???
i need help.

Other Side Of The World

move along,
and the fire fades away,
most of everyday,
is filled with tired excuses.

i wish i were simple.
it is,
isn't it,
nothing is complicated.
not if you take it apart
and analyze it.
everything's easy.
simple.
plain.

Cold Night, Dark Night.

star light,
star bright,
first star i see tonight,
i wish i may,
i wish i might,
have the wish,
i wish tonight.

will i be happy again?

no. 0122

no more hatred.
no more hating anyone.
i'll just end up
being tired,
and retardedly depressed.

Insomnia

i lie awake at night,
wondering,
turning,
closing my eyes,
willing myself to sleep.
sitting up,
falling back down.
damn it.
can't sleep.

Somethin' Stupid

92' and Still Sexy.

In every story, there's a best friend and a leading lady,
this is my life, stop being the best friend.

That's a little corny,
like how every story
needs a happy ending.
I like corny.
I need some corny in my life.

Little Truth, Doubts and Lies.

i hate second guessing
i hate being insecure
i hate it that you're joking but i don't find it funny
i hate it that i feel threatened.
i hate it that i've changed.
i hate it that the pimples on my face aren't going away.
i hate it that i have to keep quiet or my happiness will be at stake.
i hate it that you think it's easy because it isn't for me.
i hate it the things you do, the words you say, can mean so much to me,
i hate it, that no one who has seen this, would come up to me and say
"are you all right"
i know,
i've chosen to keep my mouth shut.
but it won't hurt to care
would it?




for the thousandth time that i have typed this,
i have to be brave,
i have to click publish.

Triad Of Solar Periods

Thank God you're not a mom, you're such an ice-queen, any baby nursing from you will get brain freeze.

Firestarter

Don't be an idiot,
be safe.

My Self Esteem.

I've got issues.
BIG ONES.








Written by:
The Author.

One Good Day.

We can't prevent
What we can't predict.


So enjoy this beautiful day,
for we get so few of them.

A Song To Sing

i had a dream,
and woke up,
to find out,
that you were
the only one there.

New Shoes. New Home.

How is it that people can buy houses
as if they were worth nothing.
boom.
see.saw.bought.stay.

i like this place.
it feels safe.
like home.

too bad i'm the only one who thinks so.

You Caught Me Dreaming,

You were wearing 2 pairs of high heels.
you said it made you feel taller.

Not My Best.

how cliched is it,
that everytime a guy on tv
is caring,
warm,
funny,
and every girl want him.
how sweet he is.
have you wondered,
if he was real,
he would probably pass off
as a sissy mama's boy.

and when someone so sweet
on tv can be ugly,
or handicapped,
everyone will feel touched,
and will be on his side
and no one will be
on the handsome rapist's side.
but in real life,
everyone won't even
give a damn about
ugly sweet and handicapped.
and go directly to the handsome guy.

life is twisted.